Maggie begins her transformation into full Phoebe One, Mel snoozes through the ep, and Macy and Galvin see a Miss Cleo about a dolphin.

Macy digs for answers to her (dead) past and meets the K-Mart-keeper, Maggie goes to a party and orders some margs, and Harry is sad because he didn’t have a cooler son. But perhaps the biggest twist of all…Lucy is a sleeper agent!

Maggie joins a singing ensemble with a sassy teacher who wants to kill the audience softly with his song. They encounter their greatest enemy, Jean-Ralphio. An outfit so bonkers appears I have to pause for like five minutes to recover.

Harry’s stuck in Hell-jail, Galvin broke his leg and gained a personality, and Maggie fake cries because Parker wants to know if she has the lecture notes. How much recap is too much recap? What is a good portmanteau for Macy/Galvin? All I know is it smells like white privilege in here.

Maggie can’t decide between an internship with a dating app or EvilCo, Mel joins a group of rogue witches, and Macy wears mom jeans. Phelan insists on including the terrible Modelland theme song.

Hipster Torgo shows up at the house for help and Parker reveals his horrible secret…he’s got diabetes! Things have taken a turn for the worse in New Charmed.

Lucy is hit with Sub Rosa pheromone, Macy sees Miss Cleo to inquire about her origins, and Galvin takes framed photos of himself to his birthday party. Were we drunk on wine coolers watching this?

Why exactly are two women fighting over Galvin, a living Ambien? Just how awful is Mel? Was their mother secretly evil? And is Harry stuck in the worst episode of Quantum Leap? In the original timeline, all of these questions were answered.

Sure Angela might kill a lot of people, but what happened to women supporting women?! Also the Elders are…y’know.