20 Comments

  • Nobody_700
    Nobody_700
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 106

    Pelican Man won every Emmy. Ever.

    Mitch donesn’t believe in Giants, because he has seen Ghosts, aliens, and Eddie. Those things are too weird to coexist with Giants.

    Cort has gone blind, but hey, now he has an excuse to always wear sunglasses.

    Of course gangs hate giant pelican loving men. Pelicans are their sworn enemies.

     

  • Alex C.
    Alex C.
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 151

    Actually, it was refusing to shake Newmie’s hand that made Cort start going blind.

    This is the first review that made me almost want to watch the full episode.

  • Dunes
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 188

    How many other characters in this show get their own songs?

    • Jon Protagonist
      Jon Protagonist
      Thomas Megazord
      Comments: 314

      Pelican Man, Pelican Man. Does whatever a Pelican can.

      Catches fish – in his beak…

      You need a permit to own this freak.

      Look out! Here comes a Pelican Man!

      Pelican Man, Pelican Man… Does whatever a Pelican can.

      He loves kids – carves birds with wood…

      Gangs attack him and that’s no good!

      Look out! Here comes a Pelican Man!

      Pelican Man, Pelican Man… Does whatever a Pelican can.

      Thanks to Mitch’s – save he came out on top…

      Now he owns a crappy souvenir shop.

      Look out! Here comes a Pelican Man!

      Here comes a Pelican Maaa-aaan!

       

       

      • Nobody_700
        Nobody_700
        I'm THE BEST!
        Comments: 106

        That’s the kind of song only a stupid pelican man would sing!

        Besides, you forgot the last stand.

         

        He’ll never be seen again!

        • Jon Protagonist
          Jon Protagonist
          Thomas Megazord
          Comments: 314

          While I disagree with your statement, I’m impressed by how you say it with such conviction.

           

          Besides, it’s implied that his story arc is concluded when he opens a crappy souvenir shop. Forget about the fact that a mentally challenged man-child will quickly run out of money and be homeless in a month when he can’t sell enough of his cheap wooden Pelican carvings to pay for rent, utilities, and enough food to feed a 7ft tall 300 lb man.

          Sadly, by then the Buchanon men will have moved on to a gem smuggling mystery, a burning ship, three romances from out of nowhere, and about two thousand burgers.

  • TheSKARD1
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 31

    That’s less of a “permit” and more of a publishers clearing house order form. I can’t tell what it says along the top but it ends in a question mark, and I think there are check boxes to order magazines.

    • Nobody_700
      Nobody_700
      I'm THE BEST!
      Comments: 106

      So either 1 of 2 things. Either it’s just a joke thing, or Pelican man, Hobie, and Mitch can’t read.

      I like the latter option.

  • A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 25

    So, on the positive side, at least they gave the degenerate eye disease to someone they thought we’d care about rather than a random one shot character, although Cort was a horrible choice for a character to assume we’d care about. A better choice would have been Craig, Ben, or even Chief Thorpe. Or, hell, have that be the reason Slade leaves the show.

    But this is Baywatch I guess…

  • snorgatch
    snorgatch
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 147

    Why is there a thing called Baywatch? Why does it exist? Why do I now feel like writing Baywatch fanfics and introducing my own characters from other genres, like a goblin who joins the Baywatch team and has to deal with anti-goblin prejudice and dumb questions from Eddie about how hard it is for a goblin to find trunks that fit him?

    What is wrong with me?

    • Nobody_700
      Nobody_700
      I'm THE BEST!
      Comments: 106

      You fool! You should bring in MORE insanity in this amazing fanfic. I request more fantasy elements! Mitch dates a dragon! Hobie allies himself with faires who live in Summers fake boobs, and an evil lich who is sucking Slade’s soul.

      • snorgatch
        snorgatch
        JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
        Comments: 147

        Slade has a soul? Actually, it would explain his lack of anything resembling a personality…

        • Nobody_700
          Nobody_700
          I'm THE BEST!
          Comments: 106

          Yes, Slade is losing life every second. Also, the Lich is a perv, and doesn’t understand ‘Dating’, so it tries to have sex with everything. Like Slade!

          • snorgatch
            snorgatch
            JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
            Comments: 147

            And then C.J. gets it to seek counseling for its “biophilia.”

            This stuff writes itself.

  • Jon Protagonist
    Jon Protagonist
    Thomas Megazord
    Comments: 314

    I totally believe that a bunch of street toughs would go after a man large enough to pick them up and toss them around like children.

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 912

    Despite the fact that horses take giant dumps wherever they walk, I actually have seen horses on beaches in Washington & Oregon.

  • Riph
    Riph
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    That’s why they call me John, “D”egenerative Eye Disease Cort!

  • happymel2
    happymel2
    The Fuct of Pepsiman
    Comments: 228

    OMG. I lost it at “You stupid Pelican man” but I was laugh-crying at the Pelican man song. 

  • Spike
    Spike
    I'm on a post!
    Comments: 242

    It… I juh… WHUUUU?!

    That Pelican Man song is utterly hilarious. I seriously hope they did write it specifically for the episode. What were they thinking when they made this? XD