29 Comments

  • Darth Revan
    Darth Revan
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 14

    as soon as i saw that title card i was like bannana phone?

  • Retrobyte
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Heh, another reference to Nostalgia Critic being “dead”.

  • E.Wilson
    E.Wilson
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 36

    Part VI might have been a mess, but I really found Part V more unpleasant to watch. All the characters killed were annoying, mean-spirited, or some combination of the two. And Mikey was actually going out of his way to inflict them on us, since he had to ignore Jamie, his stated target, for most of the film in order to go and kill them. Speaking of, he’s trying to kill a nine-year old girl: what an asshole! And he’s failing to kill a nine-year old girl: what an asshole! It doesn’t help that the end of the film is essentially ten minutes of a little girl crying miserably as everyone she knows dies around her. Just…really an ugly film to watch.

  • Scooter
    Scooter
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 35

    Great review Phelan! I thought James Rolfe was too nice to this one. I fucking hate this movie! The old video store by my house had all the Halloween movies (up to that point) lined up all nice. I would rent a couple each weekend, one October. Part 6 was the last one I watched and after it was over it got jammed in my vcr and I had to buy the copy for like 80 bucks. Fuck that movie… fill all of its holes with fuck.

  • AstroMegaPetey
    AstroMegaPetey
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    “Ow, that’s ow there.” Ghostbusters the Video Game reference. Pete Venkman’s line that he never stops saying during gameplay. 

  • WPB
    WPB
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 19

    So are we gonna see a review of Halloween 3 next? I’m actually interested to hear what Phelous thinks of it.
    And it seems that one of Michael Myers’ slasher-killer powers is rear-projecting major cities. I always find it amusing when Phelous’ special effects, even in obvious parodies like the Puma Man scene, are better than the movies he’s parodying.

  • Mewizkuit
    Mewizkuit
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    Oh, the Cruse of Michael Myers wasn’t on purpose? I didn’t mention it because I thought it was, but seems you fixed it. Oh well :c

  • Dbzwrestleingfan
    Dbzwrestleingfan
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Dear Phelous,i just want to let you know you are my favorite review on the entire internet :D,and my Moms. my mom walked in my room and i was watching your Halloween:resurrection review and she makes a comment about the movie sucking then we proceeded to have a conversation about the film,i talked her into watching the review and she liked it her and i enjoy your sense of humor and pretty much after that she has seen alot of your other reviews ranging from Drive-Thru to Mans Best Friend (which i think is her favorite) and she loves your reviews of Hoboween 1&2 i cant wait til tomorrow to show her this review 😛 thanks for giving Me and Mom a something to bond with lol and giving us a great show.

  • Desertpunk23
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 30

    I remember in this movie they tried to connect Halloween III to the rest of the franchise, which isn’t all that absurd. Now the way they did it was moronic but owell.

  • DF
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Great as usual, Phelous!

     Interesting that they picked a Thurisaz rune (þ) as the mark for Michael’s ‘thorn’ curse, even though in the story it doesn’t make any sense since there isn’t anyone named “Thorn” and Thurisaz is the rune of Thor… :3

  • UnholyFireDragon
    UnholyFireDragon
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 13

    “It’s TOTALLY fine if you constantly slap any of us, but we DON’T EVER say ‘bastard’ in this house!”

     


    What the fuck is the matter with this movie? LOL 

    I loved the part of the review where you were making a horrified face and Michael seemed to be going “Hey, wait a minute… No! No! It’s not true!”.

  • Troggyman
    Troggyman
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 91

    I have never understood the obsession with making the celts look bad. The only sources I could find mentioning stuff like human sacrifice are written by Christians (who also said Muslims worshipped Satan directly) and Julius Caesar, you know, the guy who fought them and made a cult to himself. Reliable indeed. The Wickerman just comes off silly (the original, the remake, yeah) because Caesar was the one who said they sacrificed people in them, while actually studying their culture that wouldn’t make sense. It’s even stupider when you realize the romans actually tolerated the worship of celtic gods under their rule. There is no point in using that as a plot device. It’s stupid.

    Anyway, they should have left it at 2, the attach the crew’s names to whatever production done afterwards. Of course, Hollywood doesn’t work that way, hell, business doesn’t work that way.

  • seanpkd30
    Old Man
    Comments: 3

    According to the script, the ending implies that Michael is killing Loomis off screen in Smiths Grove.

  • megadolaon
    megadolaon
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 82

    I was trying to figure out why the protagonist seemed so familiar. Then I realized that he’s the guy from Anchorman!

  • wetman
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 69

    THE PEWMAY MEN! Somehow Michael manages to be a better flier too…He even keeps his legs straight, aaaaaalmost like he’s stanidng on something! ERRRRR!

  • David
    David
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 22

    Holy shit, that Pumaman scene had me in absolute stitches!

  • SailorRipley
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    Could you go back to reviewing obscure movies sometime soon. I think we’ve had enough of these Halloween reviews.

    • David
      David
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 22

      Since when did Phelous specifically review obscure movies? He’s not The Cinema Snob. A large portion of the stuff he’s reviewed in the past has been pretty mainstream modern horror; Hostel, The Nightmare on Elm Street remake, House of Wax, Jeepers Creepers, Cabin Fever to name but a few. I’d say the Halloween remakes fit right in with those and the other bad movies from that franchise are a natural progression. Not to mention that these past few reviews have been really great!

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 912

    Oh nooooo! She’s Mr. Bill!

    Come on Phelous. Everyone knows that if children look straight up in the rain that they’ll drown, because they’re too stupid to shut their mouths.

  • André
    André
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    That ending with Michael flying was just hilarious! I’d also like to see that film instead of H20

  • RedSarah
    RedSarah
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 171

    I hope MichaelMyersMan comes to Saturday mornings soon!

  • Miss Spotty
    Miss Spotty
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    Michael needs to hold a job down, he keeps coming home.

  • the movie man
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    maybe because micheal still killed somebody on halloween (the red shirts who get slaughtered every sequel) thorn accepts those as sacrifices…so yes phelous he does get an effort grade. =3

  • BlueCurse60
    BlueCurse60
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 34

    No wait! Michael v. Jason v. Freddy, with a cameo from Puma Man and his useless girlfriend!

  • The Four Seven
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    My friend and I sat down and riffed this movie a couple years ago, and
    it was totally worth sitting through all of the inane crap that went on
    in it. Asshole-dad’s character was a delight because of his perpetual
    someone-pissed-in-my-corn-flakes attitude, and his head explosion death actually made us stop the riff for a while because we were too busy laughing so hard we were debilitated for several minutes. Imagine my delight when I found out you had reviewed it. This has got to be among my favorite reviews of yours. Your “sick uncle fuck” reaction, the Pewmaymen reference, the post-credits bit that just made me think of SH2’s Dog ending. This movie’s just perfect for you and I’m glad you reviewed it.

  • M Chambers
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 67

     
    This movie was plagued with problems. The film makers put all the blame on Danielle Harris refusing to reprise her role as Jamie and Donald Pleasance dying during production.
     
     
     
    However those are just cop outs! Just because Harris wouldn’t return was NO REASON to kill Jamie off as if she were merely the opening kill girl! Besides, Jamie would have aged from a little girl into a teenager so she wouldn’t have looked the same anyway. The audience would’ve accepted another actress as Jamie.
     
     
     
    Also, Pleasance died well after the critical scenes were filmed so any climax was better than Dr. Loomis just calmly walking back to make sure Michael Meyers really was dead only to be killed by him. They could have at least filmed new footage of Loomis setting a bomb or some type of explosive to kill himself along with Michael. The simply didn’t have to show Loomis’ face.
     

  • Spike
    Spike
    I'm on a post!
    Comments: 242

    Honestly, what in the hell were they thinking with this one? Michael Meyers is evil because… what, he was cursed?? Why would anyone think THAT was a good idea in the first place, let alone multiple directors and writers, none of whom said to themselves “Say, this idea is kinda ridiculously stupid!”

    I did find your deconstruction if it, and comparison of the two versions, pretty interesting though. And as always, it’s great to see you discuss (and mock) franchises that you’ve got passion for like this. I’d love to see you take a crack at more Halloween movies, honestly–not just the bad ones.