28 Comments

  • Chickwiththeglasses
    Chickwiththeglasses
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Hey, great Jon Voight impersonation! lol

    The part where he winks at Lopez after being partially digested has gotta be one of the funniest moments on this comedy… oh wait, it’s not a comedy?

  • tman523
    tman523
    Old Man
    Comments: 3

    Very nice! I remember watching this as a kid and thinking that there were multiple snakes because they just kept shooting/stabbing the one in the head.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 623

      There probably was but they barely act like it. I find it just about as silly a second giant anaconda was waiting around though. I like the theory that the 1st one just regenerated though.

      • tman523
        tman523
        Old Man
        Comments: 3

        That theory makes the movie as a whole better. Giant animals killing people is nothing new to movies. Giant, magic animals are a step up in the entertainment factor for me.

  • RedSarah
    RedSarah
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 171

    I don’t know what was funnier, anaconda-as-Yoshi or that half-assed last rites. 🙂

    Sounds like we can look forward to more Anaconda goodness!

    …probably used the wrong word there…

  • The FanFic Critic
    The FanFic Critic
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 24

    lol! Great review, Phelous!

  • StormyPopsicle
    StormyPopsicle
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 34

    Oh god I remember watching this trash when It came out. My friend and I sat there hopeing the anaconda would win. I remember the scene where they out off of the boat to pull it out.

    Me: Are you all crazy there is a giant snake in the water!!!
    Tish: Shh! Don’t let them hear you or the movie will be longer!

    Also. The panther joke… Really killed me. I think I might have disturbed My roommates. Ahh Phelous I love you XD

  • electronsexparty
    electronsexparty
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 17

    I almost don’t even know what to say, man. That was fucking hilarious. Everything was awesome. The title card is great (great job again Wesker!), the opening is brilliant, the writing and editing is tight, your timing is right on, and, most importantly, the jokes were fucking hysterically funny.

     

    I love that you mentioned Owen Wilson’s penchant for dying in late ’90’s horror movies. That fact always amuses me when I go back and watch something like The Haunting or Armageddon, seeing as he become big enough star to transcend his role as cannon fodder. 

     

    I recall my parents making me watch this from Pay-Per-View when I was a kid, even though I hated it. Because, damn it, they paid $5, so I was going to have to watch it so they could get their money’s worth! I haven’t seen the sequels, so I can’t wait for your reviews!

     

     

     

     

    • Richard Wesker
      NewbieDotCom.Com
      Comments: 5

      Haha, thanks, man, yeah I’m pretty partial to this title card. I really wish the snake had eaten Jlol in the movie for reals.

      • electronsexparty
        electronsexparty
        NewbieDotCom.Com
        Comments: 17

        But, she can’t die. The law of Hollywood screenwriting is that the attractive main character never dies. To go against this law would make… well, it would make for a better movie, most likely. If the snake would have eaten JLo, they probably would have cut her out its stomach ten minutes later to discover that she was alive. Then she would kiss her love interest. HAPPY ENDING! YAY!

  • moviebuffmel90
    moviebuffmel90
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 22

    Yeah, I have fond memories of seeing this when it came out at the drive-ins when I was 7. Back then, being young and not knowing much, I liked it, but looking back on it, Anaconda was silly and more serious then Roger Corman’s Piranha. Still, it was good to see an anamatroic creature, aside from the CGI laid in.

    At least it was decent compared to the crappy sequel and the SciFi Channel films made off of it. Also, this may be too late to say, but there were two anacondas in the movie. Obviously considering how mates stick together…I think…the damn thing was feeding its kids with Jon Voight at the end anyway. Besides the first one had its brains blown out anyway. But how can the second survive thrid degree burns and yet get killed with a pick ax to the brain is beyond me. Still, loved the review as always.

  • PickPikmin
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 26

    It’s actually Ice Cube, not Ice CUBES. But, I can live with it.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 623

      Undecided I’m afraid it’s Cubes and always will be Cubes.

      • OuroborosChoked
        OuroborosChoked
        NewbieDotCom.Com
        Comments: 11

        By the way, I believe the reason Cubes asked “Food?” was because the food in question was a wild boar.  Cubes is a Muslim, and they don’t believe in eating swine… which boars are.  He made a similar comment in relation to eating “hog” in his hit song It Was a Good Day.

        And yes, I am assuming that Cubes’ character is also a Muslim, based on that line.

  • oscarnjboy
    oscarnjboy
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    I’m a little shocked to see that you never mentioned the difference with J-LO’s face from back then to now.

    i mean holy nip tuck batman,thats a 20,000 dollar face lift if i ever seen one 🙂

    great job phelous! 

    LOVING THE SITE

  • TheScorpionMK37
    TheScorpionMK37
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    XD i laugh so hard at every review i had to make an account cant wait for the RE: afterlife review no one can kill ice cube.

  • QuetzaDrake
    QuetzaDrake
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 38

    Great Voight impression, and I loved the ‘old man legs of steel’ line. He should pop up in future reviews if possible.

    Anaconda was one of those movies I never saw as a kid but I thought might be good/scary/entertaining because I remember it being pretty prominantly advertised. Felt the same way about Congo, or more recently, The Ruins and Tursitas (honestly!).

  • psychosilpelit
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 10

    can panthers actually get surprised?

  • aspire77
    aspire77
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 40

    jonathan hyde!? what are you doing on another boat -_-

  • megadolaon
    megadolaon
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 82

    Phelous in the John Voigt wig kinda reminds me of John Cusack’s puppet in the movie Being John Malcovich ;3

  • Irksum
    Irksum
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 5

    This is a bit late and you may already know this but the ‘voice’ of the anaconda was done by Frank Welker, who was the voice of Slimer and Ray from The Real Ghost Busters among many other things.  I only realised because I just watched Gremlins and remembered that the person who did their voices also did Megatron in the Transformers cartoon and it was … dun dun dun Frank Welker!                             Disappointed that he didn’t do the monkey’s voice in Anaconda 2 though.

  • BlueCurse60
    BlueCurse60
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 34

    Better than searching for eternity flowers that give snakes spear tails with science….wait…Curse you sequels!

  • turbowolf7
    turbowolf7
    Prodigy Pet Gym Leader
    Comments: 121

    i actually liked this movie and ice cube’s character. i hope when i’m jon voight’s age i can still use awesome leg powers on the unsuspecting and blame it on anacondas

  • Richter The Eternal
    Richter The Eternal
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 8

    Well, of course we can’t have the most popular pop/rap singers turned actors of the 90’s die gruesomely in a horror movie, can we? How…unsurprising. Naturally, like wrestlers their the worst actors in the film, although Ice Cube may have more experience with films like the Friday movie prior to Anaconda. Lopez, I never once found believable as a strong female lead that should survive being in a horror movie. Even that artisy horror flick, The Cell she starred in 3 years after this movie. It’s hard to take a chick with model good looks seriously as a person who can survive life-threating ordeals.

  • FM
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 42

    Haha… the surprized panther is priceless!

  • FlintDragoon
    FlintDragoon
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Seeing Johnathan Hyde i almost expected Macaulay Culkin to show up.