30 Comments

  • chrisbg99
    chrisbg99
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 21

    Well that might be the most pants-shitting scary title card you’ve ever had.

  • Orochisabin
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Oh christ, when I watched this pile of shit the only thought that got me through it was “One day, Phelous will review this, I know it.”

     

    Thank you, Phelous.

  • Zetto
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    It might just be the uncanny valley effect, but the Smiley mask is kinda creepy. Too bad it’s wasted on such a shitty movie.

  • QuetzaDrake
    QuetzaDrake
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 38

    Huh, that Professor looks familiar…

    *looks it up*

    Oh, yeah, it’s that guy who got his penis cut off in Hostel 2. And that guy who got put on a meat hook in Midnight Meat Train.

    …and the singing voice of Young Hercules and Scamp from Disney’s Hercules and Lady and the Tramp II?

    …alright then.

  • Earthbound_X
    Earthbound_X
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 31

    Wow, just wow, the premise for this is so terrible, almost as bad as The Purge.

     

    Yeah, cause that’s how people act, “let’s mess with and kill random person for no reason, just for laughs.”

    I’m sure that’s happened in real life before, but it’s just hard to wrap my head around some people killing another person for no reason, and for no gain.

    • Steve3
      I'm THE BEST!
      Comments: 104

      I don’t have trouble believing people would kill for so little gain, just that they would expend so much work, planning and risk to do it. Even if you’re a super-duper-haxxor who can control who someone else sees in ChatRoulette, you need to have a Smiley Squad victim and a faux-Smiley on hand at each user Ash-hole might chose to stop at and keep her from seeing anyone not in on the scheme- otherwise she does the chant and Smiley no-shows. Plan ruined. That’s an awful lot of work for potential lulz.

  • Literate Dead
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 13

    Urgh, this fucking movie… I’m someone who will almost always stick through a movie through the bitter end, no matter how horrible it is. I’m just that stubborn. That said, this is actually one of only a couple movies I actually gave up on watching and just turned off (alongside Cabin Fever). It’s just so embarrassingly awful, from the shit technical side to the shit script to the shit acting, topped off by the embarrassingly bad internet references. It’s just plain unbearable, and not even in a fun ‘bad movie’ way. Urgh.

     

    Oh, and we don’t even get the sigh of relief at blondie’s death because apparently after the credits she opens her eyes or something… because they want to do a sequel… Yeah, because we totally need -TWO- of these…

     

    Still, wonderful to see new stuff from you, Phelous! The movie may not be tolerable, but at least the review… um… okay, well even in summary this was still intolerable, but you get the point! I enjoyed the non-movie parts, I suppose…

     

    Fucking lulz. Urgh…

  • Desertpunk23
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 30

    Lol the classroom bit was hilarious.

  • Veradux
    Veradux
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    what is sad is that the title card was far scarier than the movie. you represented this movie far better than it deserves. though if you really think about it the people this movie was made for are people like us who spend our time on the internet having fun. and really a move about chat roulette, no amount of drugs would get you high enough to think that was a good idea. though if it was going for the most retarded premise ever than it did what it intended to do. to tell the truth, I think the poorly drawn satin claws title card was worse, but you only see that one for a second. its at around 2:04

  • Steve3
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 104

    But Phelous they perfectly set things up for Smiley II: The Ghost of Geocities-dotcomdotcom! With superscary serial killer ASCII art

    • Kingkaor
      NewbieDotCom.Com
      Comments: 12

      Everytime Sad Panda says “Well, Motherfucker”, it’s usually the funniest part of the episode. Not saying the episode is unfunny, it’s just that nothing beats Sad Panda.

  • Kane987245
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Strangly enough, what made me laguh the most was at the end with the Smiley and Phelou’s faces in the corner while Sad Pana was talking. Don’t know if anyone noticed those but I thought they were funny. Good job and the fact movies like these exsist makes my brain hurt…..a lot.

  • Troggyman
    Troggyman
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 90

    To it’s credit, it did reference Anonymous hunting down pedophiles, which was something they did alot in the early days so it atleast looks researched in one aspect. I think this might have been a complete coincidence, however. It feels like the script was kept on a shelf for years as the memes are outdated, and really, the worst thing the “lulz” anons did back in the day were immature site hacking and flooding Habbo with black men in suits. This crowd has either grown up or hang around ED today were they nag about everything like bitter old men. This movie seems to think that they actually did bomb that yellow van. The “lulz” anons were manchildren, nothing more. Oh and Phelous, you actually made the smiley scarier by attaching it to your own face than the stupid looking thing in the movie. Goes to show that uncanny valley is better than a blank slate or something.

  • Trade-Mart
    Trade-Mart
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Phelous?! Did.. Did you just die at the end? Holy…Shit!

     

    And this movie, yeah. It tries to lean on audience who know what internet is and who are using Youtube most of the time by getting Shane Dawson and Tobuscus in it. meh.. I hated this movie when I first saw this, which was dissappointin, because I really liked the look of Smiley. In coming LETDOOOWN!

  • E.Wilson
    E.Wilson
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 36

    It’s like Ashole was playing checkers, but the Smiley Squad was playing chess! INTERNET CHESS!

  • Dexy22
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    When Shane Dawson showed up in the Library and yelled out “DON’T FORGET TO RATE AND SUBSRCIBE!” I lost my shit, great review Phelous.

  • theMylo
    theMylo
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    holy smiley phelous!!! that intro card is scaryyy 

  • Myloslavskiy
    Myloslavskiy
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

     Well, this was a stupid movie… My friend showed me it couple months ago, and i’m still mad at him for this.

     Also I saw your titlescreen in the middle of the night, and it was so creepy, I had to watch some of your funnier reviews to forget it.

     I wanted to ask you, what is your favorite jumpscare (in terms of scary of course), since you said, that SOMETIMES it’s good to use it. Mine is the last part of Twilight Zone the movie, when John Lithgow opened a window and a “gremlin” was staring at him.

  • valou999
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 60

    All i can say is….. TOBUSCUS!

  • RedSarah
    RedSarah
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 171

    That title card will haunt my dreams… DX

  • Shiftybea
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    No mention of the after credits scene where Ash-hole is actually alive? 

    Also- that bloody title card is both awesome AND scary. 

  • Lionkingview
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Just imagining “Smiley ” stitching his eyes shut and then running into things afterwards, because of his stupid blindness. Maybe Smiley just got lost and kills people accidently 

    Anyway……nice review , made my day =) 

  • cinemachameleon
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    We have teams of people with “Smiley”-killer equipment on stanby 24/7, 365, hiding in the closets of every house of every person in the entire world just in the event that they might happen to log on to Chat-Roulette and this one girl may just happen to chat with them and might so happen to say the magic words…Really?

    Oh wait, sorry, I forgot to consider the fact that she might be chatting with someone in a public place…So I guess the entirety of every person on Earth is part of this grand conspiracy, (and they all have “Smiley”-masks and knives), (except Ashley), and they all have nothing better to do than gaslight someone into inadvertanly creating a short snuff film.

    I don’t care if you are the Illuminati President, there is no way in Hell this could ever work unless the entirey of time and space itself was organized soley for the purposes of producing this one pointless youtube video…

    And the “Real” Simley at the end…just the cherry on top of this crap sundae!

    Honestly, I never thought a film could make Cry Wolf look plausible by comparsion, but you, Smiley, you have done the impossible.  And shame on you for doing so!

  • Handsome Pete
    Handsome Pete
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 93

    I can’t escape the feeling that this movie was meant as a joke, like Baghead but not as obvious.  It’s got all the usual shitty direct-to-DVD horror tropes, but they’re all so comically exaggerated; like the jump scare friend, for example.  And the thing about the magic invocation that curses the other person in the chat rather than the person who actually said it, that’s so silly that it would actually be hilarious in something like Scary Movie.  Throw in all the YouTube celebrities, and the whole thing comes off as a stealth parody.

  • Dejablue
    Dejablue
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 65

    Wow. Who directed this? Is it even worth mentioning?

  • Jellah-Feesh
    Jellah-Feesh
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 46

    This would’ve worked way better if they did more with the “emoticon” aspect. Maybe instead of having a killer with a creepy emoticon face, have emoticons be the central theme. We use emoticons all the time without really thinking about it, so what might happen if using emoticons suddenly had consequences? It wouldn’t even have to be a horror movie. If a concept is clearly not scary, don’t try to sell it as being scary. You’re only fooling yourself.

  • zaki
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    holy crap she has terrible acting skills for a main character. i contstantly groaned throughout this movie at her shitty takes. also .. urban legend my fucking ass!

  • TheDog
    TheDog
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    Wow, this movie is like someone’s dad trying to be like their kids by randomly throwing out words they heard on TV. Only the dad has more dignity.

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 934

    Just saw a trailer for a movie called “Unfriended,” & it made me think of this review, & Feardotcom.com, & DotCom for Murder.