Valentine

A movie that tries to be a mystery despite only giving you one believable suspect and drags everything it does out TO THE MAX! But it DOES have Katherine Heigl as the opening kill.

33 Comments

  • thedeadhalo
    thedeadhalo
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 69

    is it just me, or does Holly Wood just love being the insnity capital of the world? Movies just keep getting worse and worse man. Glad to see that you found a Valentines movie though, hope you and Allison have a great one!

    • Earthbound_X
      Earthbound_X
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 31

      Um….I know that scene was out of context, but why did that girl stick her head in the toilet?

      • thedeadhalo
        thedeadhalo
        CUUUUT
        Comments: 69

        Because shes a obviously a dog. Explains why sometimes she acts like a “bitch”!

        *duh dum tis*

        • Earthbound_X
          Earthbound_X
          A Real Turtles Fighter
          Comments: 31

          All I can assume is she did it to get soap out of her hair, but why the hell the toilet? She’d just have to shower again, for hours.

          It’s just a really dumb looking scene.

          • thedeadhalo
            thedeadhalo
            CUUUUT
            Comments: 69

            Honestly, im surprised that she isnt http://i2.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/003/619/Untitled-1.jpg Since her boyfriend KNOWS she puts her head in the damn toilet. But oh well. Some people get turned on by some WEIRD stuff I suppose. Or maybe she was looking for her carrier in there?

          • Plasticlion
            Plasticlion
            CUUUUT
            Comments: 68

            the toilet rinsing scene was a reference to C.H.U.D. There’s a scene in that movie where a woman has to rinse her hair in a toilet because the water has stopped in her apartment. Of course in that movie the water has stopped because there are CHUDs running amok in the sewers.

            P.S. You should review C.H.U.D. and it’s amazing sequel, C.H.U.D. 2, Bud the Chud.  Both movies will have you crying tears of excrement.

            P.P.S. Valentine makes perfect sense because THE PLOT SAYS SO HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE ALL POWERFUL AND ALLKNOWING PLOT!

          • LustfulMind
            LustfulMind
            NewbieDotCom.Com
            Comments: 13

            The first C.H.U.D. was great!What’s so bad about it?The story and the acting were good and the creatures looked okay.¸

            The second one though looks very bad,planning to watch it one of those days of my excentric life.

      • Original_Outcast
        Original_Outcast
        Old Man
        Comments: 3

        [quote=Earthbound_X]

        Um….I know that scene was out of context, but why did that girl stick her head in the toilet?

        [/quote]

        I’ve seen the film in theatres and I can tell you the reason why Kate (Marley Shelton’s character) rinses her hair out in the Toilet is due to the water suddenly going out in Her Apartment. When her shower suddenly stopped, She quickly went to the closest source of water that wasn’t affected. I guess the scene was attempting to be funny.

  • Dejablue
    Dejablue
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 65

    More horrible valentines day related horror movies this month I hope?

  • damostat
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

     OH EM GEE PHELOUS MUST OBVIOUSLY NOT CARE ABOUT HIS REVIEWS ANYMORE!

    Ahem, that out of the way, I remember watching this movie when I was younger and being too scared to watch it when I saw the bodybag scene.

    God I love Angel, such an awesome show. So hilariously overacted, so much fun.

  • videoman
    videoman
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 8

    Great review, Phelous. It’s really funny. Especially the ending. And this is much more interesting than your Octopus review – which to be honest – was not that good.

    But,  I would be much more interesting to see review about another famous Valentine Day’s horror movie – Valentine Day 3D (with Jensen Ackles aka Dean from Supernatural). Will you making a review of it somethere in the near future?

  • cscarlett15
    cscarlett15
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    oh man thanks for reminding me of this crappy movie, my friend made me watch this at a sleepover when we where like 11 or 12 because she claimed it was the best slasher she had ever see…..WRONG! it was a dull, boring and predictable movie that was trying to be like scream with a twist but failed, im glad i brought some of my movies that night because you can’t have a good night without watching Nightmare on Elm St, Texas Chainsaw Massacare (1974) and Dead Ailve; hehe creating your friends phobias is fun ;p

  • SsnakeBite
    SsnakeBite
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 76

    Holy crap Phelous stole the Cinema Snob’s glasses.

  • Marussia
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    I have to be honest, I feel like something has changed in the quality of your reviews. I don’t say they became bad or something, I still enjoy watching your videos. But I just don’t enjoy them as much as I used to and I’m not sure why that is.

    • CLoWnnSkuLL
      Old Man
      Comments: 1

      “I feel like something has changed in the quality of your reviews”

      I agree with this. In the last couple of months Phelous has ditched that unique blasé attitude toward reviews, and has just become one of those obnoxious people that yell all the time.

      I’ll still watch the new videos, but they’re just not the same any more 🙁

  • megadolaon
    megadolaon
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 82

    I’ve been a long time watcher, first time member. But I had to comment on Phelous’ changing style, too. I appreciate the switching of things, and I understand this movie was really boring. But I don’t think it could’ve hurt too be a little bit more in depth, and follow the movie a little more straightforward. I couldn’t tell what was going on and where. House of Wax for instance seemed really fluent from beginning to end. Albeit, more interesting.

    • Marussia
      NewbieDotCom.Com
      Comments: 11

      Yes exactly, I miss the debt too and I really hope Phelous will go back to going through the movie chronologically and you know, explain what happens and not just pick some moments and comment on them.

      I really enjoyed the “Cabin Fever” and “Triangle” style reviews, just to give an example.

      • Zarosguth
        Zarosguth
        Old Man
        Comments: 4

        I absolutely love the Triangle review. I still go back to it. I think Phelous simply couldn’t get invested enough in this movie because it is SO BORING!

        I hope his next review is a bit more in-depth but I guess that really depends on how will he’ll be able to get into them.

        Though I do hope he slightly tones down the yelling. It seems to have become a bit more prominent and what I like about Phelous so much is the fact he’s not just another screaming voice that thinks it’s fun to be loud. Don’t get me wrong I like the yell thing at times but it just doesn’t seem to suit Phelous at all.

        I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

  • WikiSorcerer
    WikiSorcerer
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 33

    It’s a shame. I like the Angel TV Show… and Buffy

  • flare100
    flare100
    Old Man
    Comments: 3

    Phelous please, for all that is good stop with the Lupa cameos. They’re just not funny anymore.

    • octo7
      Just might make the CUT
      Comments: 42

      [quote=flare100]Phelous please, for all that is good stop with the Lupa cameos. They’re just not funny anymore.[/quote] It was hilarious.

      :S y u mad tho?

  • David
    David
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 22

    People complaining about the brevity/lack of depth in this review are totally entitled to their opinions but personally I enjoyed the style of this one. I’ve not seen the movie but it looks to be plodding and dull and I think a longer review would have only served to echo that aspect of the film. As it is I think this review’s the perfect length. Sure if it was a movie with a much more complicated premise or a great stockpile of ridiculous scenes just asking for jokes to be written about them I might have a different view. I think if Phelous had more material that he felt improved the review he’d have had no qualms about including it, but he knows better than to just throw padding in for the sake of it. If I just wanted a plot synopsis of a shitty slasher movie I’d look it up on IMDB.

    • megadolaon
      megadolaon
      Bat Hero
      Comments: 82

      [quote=David]People complaining about the brevity/lack of depth in this review are totally entitled to their opinions but personally I enjoyed the style of this one. I’ve not seen the movie but it looks to be plodding and dull and I think a longer review would have only served to echo that aspect of the film. As it is I think this review’s the perfect length. Sure if it was a movie with a much more complicated premise or a great stockpile of ridiculous scenes just asking for jokes to be written about them I might have a different view. I think if Phelous had more material that he felt improved the review he’d have had no qualms about including it, but he knows better than to just throw padding in for the sake of it. If I just wanted a plot synopsis of a shitty slasher movie I’d look it up on IMDB.[/quote]

      Yeah. I do agree and understand that this movie was boring and he didn’t wanna dwell on it too much. Especially if he doesn’t want to bore his audience– rightfully so. I just hope this quick pacing of reviewing doesn’t become his main shtick.

  • SsnakeBite
    SsnakeBite
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 76

    Also, am I the only one who Andrew Dickman’s version of David Boreanaz reminds of Curtis from Phantasmagoria 2? I heard that, Phelous!

  • scorpio66
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    Love the reviews, your deffo my fav review guy. I love picking apart all the dumbass parts of films too when I watch them and mostly like horrors so your show seems perfect for me. Laughed my ass off at the Resi Reviews, I hate Anderson he cant cant direct for crap, The Three Musketeers was just as bad, most notably the scene where Mila dodges shotguns spraying bullets by running through them in a small passage way near the start. I think she forgot she wasnt playing Superwoman Alice in this role lol. I have a request of you Phelous, u wld make my day if u reviewed the fan made film Casey Jones that was released in 2011. Its a spin off of the Casey Jones character from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and is hillariously bad. Casey is portrayed as more of an over the top psycho than a antihero and you have to see ‘the tooth scene’ anyone who sees this film will know what I mean, that scene has to be one of the dumbest scences Ive ever witnessed in a movie. Hope u will decide to review this one, and look forward to your next video. 

    Scorpio 🙂 

    • Jade_Ottsel
      Jade Ottsel
      Old Man
      Comments: 4

      Hey now, I happened to LIKE that Casey Jones fan film. It was certainly much better than the crappy 3rd tmnt film, plus MUCH better story to it. And it had Krang in it. Freaking *Krang*!  Besides, if you have seen the old 80’s cartoon, he WAS a psychopath in that continuity…maybe not as MUCH of one as in this film, but he was definitely a psycho, nonetheless.

      • scorpio66
        Old Man
        Comments: 2

        I found the guy playing Casey’s acting to be terrible tho, the best actor was one of the first villains that beat him up near the start, one of the guys who comes over after he beats up that kid grafiting. I never really rooted for Casey in this film too, I mean the opening sequence just makes him look like a bully. Plus I found the scenes where he was beating on the random trash in the rubbish sequence funny, especially after just declaring a previous ‘punk’ to be a poser lol. Plus it might fit more into the original comics where the TMNT’s killed but it certainly doesnt fit into the movies as I doubt in that continuity they would become allies with Casey after he goes around murdering kids even if they r ‘punks’. Plus in this reality how exactly would he be getting away with these murders? He wears a mask but then his psycho name is his actual real name so the police must be pretty useless in this area if they cant catch a guy who announces who he is after hes just killed a bunch of people, I’m sorry I mean ‘punks’.

        Of course the most important message from this film is simply that if u lose a tooth, pour milk over it and shove it right back in there, coz u know…….it’ll heal itself then……right? 

         

         

  • octo7
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 42

    Great review Phelous, ending gag with Lupa made me LOL.

  • JP317
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Yeah I kinda remember watching this movie once, and once was enough. That no angel line was probably the best line in the movie and that was still tripe.

  • New To The Terror
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    Is this where that stupid thing with beatiful people giving other people nose bleeds came from?