44 Comments

  • Penny Blood
    Penny Blood
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    If I had to say anything nice about this movie, it’d be that it’s probably the last time I’ll ever “see” one like it.

    Oh wait, there’s a sequel planned, isn’t there? Damn.

    Anyways, Phelous, you’ve hijacked my brain and your Resident Evil movie reviews are the best ever. Instead of having someone I know who hadn’t seen the movies yet actually watch them, I just put on your reviews and a more entertaining time was had by all. Any chance the review for the fourth movie is coming soon?

  • Peloquin
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 10

    Yeah this movie is basically a Hostel sequel with one element changed.  I have absolutely no idea where all the comments about this movie being sick and disturbing prior to its release came from, as anything truly nasty is merely implied and not actually shown. Its a by the book horror film with terrible acting, overuse of cliches and a truly terrible pay off that looks beyond stupid.

    Also as regards as the sequel, all I keep hearing is various amounts of peole being made into the centipede. AND THATS THE ENTIRE PREMISE?????????? If one film about 3 people made int a shit shute is as bad as this what the hell difference is it going to make adding more people.

  • Ralok
    Ralok
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    I hate you phelous I REALLY HATE YOU

     

    i cannot watch this review, I cannot the concept behind this movie is far to horrifying.

     

    WHY

     

    just do ghosts of mars, or the mimic series, or something DO SOMETHING I HAVE SEEN

     

    exterminator city looks hilarious, I am sure you can pull some humor out of it

  • EmynStranger
    EmynStranger
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 36

    Well, that movie looks to be about as gross and pointless as I expected. How long is the run-time? There doesn’t seem to be a plot or anything at all besides the “dude, we should totally do a movie about a human centipede” thing. Also, you definitely chose an appropriate location for the review. That’s all The Human Centipede deserves.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 618

      It’s just over 1hr30min. Yeah it’s just filler until the centipede happens, then the movie realizes they didn’t have anything to actually do with that stupidity either and they waste more time watching the ass the mouth idiot train until the movie ends.

      • EmynStranger
        EmynStranger
        A Real Turtles Fighter
        Comments: 36

        An hour and a half?! Eek! I bet it felt like forever. The characters are so annoying, there’s no plot, and if people were looking for gross stuff, judging by the clips you showed it’s not as graphic as I thought it would be.

        Oh, and since I forgot to mention it before, the door-locking-from-the-inside commercial was HILARIOUS! I laughed the whole way through it. 😀

  • moviebuffmel90
    moviebuffmel90
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 22

    Yup, I had a feeling this was a waste of time. Concept alone, I felt after the purpose was full-filled, the rest of the film was just filler to shock the audience. It could have ended with the doctor suceeding, but no! We have to continue it with something.

    If you think eating s**t was bad, I can’t wait to see what happends when you review Piranha 3D sometime. Jerry O’Connel’s character is a one big Eil Roth stock character combined.

  • Heretic
    Heretic
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    Most German doors can be locked from either side, many folks lock themselves in overnight because of their paranoia of burglars.

     

    What a haphazardly dumb random piece of shit this movie is…

     

    This piece of crap was actually filmed in Germany…

     

    What a disgusting load of fail.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 618

      Yes we lock our does from the inside too. But it’s just a button or switch from the inside.

      • FM
        Just might make the CUT
        Comments: 42

        Hi… well obviously you want to lock your front door (for obvious reasons, especially if you live in a bad neighbourhood).

        So all front doors have the “lock from inside feature”.

        I do agree it is strange that ypu actually need a key… As you say Phelan, usually it’s a button or switch or dial of some sort (or even a chain se you see often on American doors).

        I think the “lock you inside with a key” thing must be something that exists only in old doors and (bad) horror movies for plot convenience.

        Some doors have multiple locks… usually one you can quickly lock and unlock with some sort of sitch (from inside at least) and one you can use a key…. I guess for extra safety or something…

  • ggbhtg
    ggbhtg
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 68

    This movie blows…..that’s all I got..

    Oh, and was that you singing “Hide and Seek” under the original version there?

    Glad to see the “Duh, Duh, Duh, Curien!” line finally completed in a different review. Too bad it’s in a movie nowhere near as watchable as House of the Dead.

    Just go play Centipede instead watching whatever this is.The Playstation version’s good. They even have a 3D adventure mode with weapons. Has anyone played that? *trying to think of anything other than the shitty movie to talk about*

  • WikiSorcerer
    WikiSorcerer
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 33

    It’s like “Five Across The Eyes” if it had a budget. I think that reveal of the Centipede was THE MOST appropriate time for the trumpet music. Plus, I wouldn’t say this was sitcom, but rather some Crazy German (or Dutch or something…) Semi-Schizer Porno Video. AND AGAIN, NO DEATH?! WHAT THE HELL????!!!!

    By the way, great new theme, Panda

  • Drano
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 14

    1. This guy is no native german-speaker.. or he just can’t pronounce his own language correctly.

    2. Doors can be opened in north america from the inside even when they are locked? Never seen that in german.

    3. I – as a german – am offended by the this movie.. even so I’m not sure why..

    • RedSarah
      RedSarah
      Fighting Steffi Love
      Comments: 171

      In general, doors in North America lock with a key on the outside, but have a little button on the inside that either gets pushed in or turned to lock it. And yes, you can still turn the knob and get out while it’s locked.

      My parents once had a cop come over to assess their security, and she recommended they get a deadbolt that locks with a key on the inside and outside (to prevent anyone breaking a window and unlocking it by hand). Occasionally they’ll lock it from the inside, but it’s kind of a fire hazard, and it would be difficult for my dad to get it unlocked in a hurry.

      • Drano
        NewbieDotCom.Com
        Comments: 14

        Ah, good to know, thanks.
        The door in the movie is an usual german (house)door: You can’t open them from the outside without a key, even when they are not locked, and you can’t open them from the inside, when they are locked, without a key. You actually never have to lock it that way (except for your insurance maybe).

    • ChDuda
      ChDuda
      Old Man
      Comments: 4

      Dieter Lasers Deutsch ist einwandfrei. Er hat nicht umsonst, einst den deutschen Filmpreis erhalten.

      Übrigens ist der Film weder in Deutschland gedreht worden, noch ist es eine deutsche Produktion. –> Die Niederländer waren’s. Der Film spielt lediglich in Deutschland, wahrscheinlich um das ohnehin offensichtliche Sinnbild der Naziexperimente zu verstärken.

       

      Grüße aus dem Ösiland 😉

  • RedSarah
    RedSarah
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 171

    The pervy old man looks like Baguette Croissant. 🙂

    I was going to complain about the whole “girls can’t change a tire, they’re girls” thing, but realized that the girls in Five Across the Eyes managed that. Wow, being bested by them is pretty sad.

    The dialogue is so weird during their fight in the woods. Why do they keep saying each other’s name? If I’m with a friend I don’t say her name every sentence.

    I dunno, this movie sounded like it would be so gross (I don’t necessarily like gross), but the only part I had trouble watching was the hara kiri. Most of the time they reminded me of Leelo from the Fifth Element in her bandage outfit. Were they trying to be funny and failing?

  • zaki
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    hes no zombie fisherman. Aln

  • chrisbg99
    chrisbg99
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 21

    WHY WAS THIS MOVIE MADE?

     

    I can’t phathom even as a joke that this movie could be made.

  • Kirath
    Kirath
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 8

    You know, you can simply pull the key about halfway out of the lock, so other people can unlock it from the outside, if they have a key and you know the key’s location.

  • Nils B-Film
    Nils B-Film
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 21

    I liked this flick because those irritating main girls got what was comming for them. It’s stupid, but very fun and enjoyable seeing those idiot characters getting bossed around by the real main character; the overacting badguy! Hostel was a borefest, but this delivered a lot of goofy scenes. Really, I laughed a lot during this film. I don’t regret seeing it one bit. In any case, funny review of it. The door commercial was brilliant.

  • AntoineCool
    AntoineCool
    Old Man
    Comments: 3

    OK, now seriously, what did I just saw? Do I even have to explain the reason of thinking this movie is bloody stupid? And the comparison to Hostel- series is pretty inappropriate and insult to those movies (which honestly was something I thought I was never going to say; comparing some movie to Hostel is an insult to Hostel and all the ugly garbage it represents), because even if Hostel- series is disgusting and pointless, it had at least some pretty rude (and revolting) gore, this had… well, the very idea of human centipede and idea of feeding person behind you with your own feces is nothing but a fistful of lowest, sickest humour possible to exist. And still it fails to amuse or entertain.

     

    Seriously, I’ve seen Zombieland and it was fun to watch because it was deliciously stupid, but this… Oh, my good Lord… This movie should be #1 at IMDB’s Bottom 100- list, but at moment, it has got 5.0 score (I wonder how that is even possible). The Room is not a good movie, nor is Birdemic, no, they are both stupid but so magnificently made they are actually pleasant to watch. But this movie is just painful with no redeeming factors at all! I think this movie should not exist.

  • Razorgeist
    Razorgeist
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 35

    *Claps hands at Phelous*

    Goddamit what is it with these directors! Are Neil Marshall and Vincenzo Natali the only guys who can make descent horror movies. You know you have to have a plot going on for me to be invested not just “oooh sick premise”. Im sorry you had to sit through this crap Phelous.

  • Z_GRADER
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 14

    they really need weed out this nonsense from the horror genre
    i’m not saying get rid of it(though i would if i could)
    but definitely define it more clearly
    watching a zombie getting carved in two is fun
    watching someone shit through a human centipede  is not

  • toma
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 14

    How does peeing work Do they each pee on their own? If so, how do the girls keep themselves hydrated? If the guy farts, then do the girls cheeks puff out as the fart passes through their faces? What if the fart gas makes them burp? Does it create an infinite fart/burp chain combo? Man, there’s a lot left for the sequel to explore.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 618

      Also more people means them dealing with the life and death of their tail quicker so it’ll probably be a movie that really makes you think.

      • ggbhtg
        ggbhtg
        CUUUUT
        Comments: 68

        Pffft, thought regarding this movie. No way.

      • RedSarah
        RedSarah
        Fighting Steffi Love
        Comments: 171

        The only thing the sequel is making me think is (since the Dr. got killed), how do two people come up with this idea? Will the second be a doctor who specializes in separating conjoined triplets and had a Liebe 12-Katz?

  • StormyPopsicle
    StormyPopsicle
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 34

    Phelous marry me. XD

    Anyway when I saw the preview for this, I kinda went “huh? wait what?” then I laughed my ass off. almost everyone I know was disgusted over this. I was laughing at the concept. And I still am. The movie seemed poorly paced, terrible waste of time.

    Can’t wait till the second one comes out because you know you HAVE to do it now.

  • samm21
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    Wow I had no interest in this movie and after the review I am glad I did not waste the money on thinking about renting it.

    Also I have to say it was fitting at the end of the video the commerical it showed was for the new Mortal Kombat.

  • Sunnymuffins
    Sunnymuffins
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    Is there really such a tremendous gap between surgeons and other
    doctors that the doctor in this film didn’t realize from the start that
    this wouldn’t work? Was Scrubs in the right this entire time by
    referring to surgeons as “scalpel jockeys?” How about heaping doses of
    e-coli for the middle and tail parts? “Because… SCIENCE! I HATE HUMAN
    BEINGS AND IT WILL WORK ON PEOPLE WHEN IT DIDN’T ON MY DOGS!”

     

    I’m all for mad science, but this was just criminally stupid.

    • ChDuda
      ChDuda
      Old Man
      Comments: 4

      The producer of “The Ass2Mouth Show” stated, that he consulted a doctor who assured him, that a “Human Centipede”, as presented in the movie, could survive for years if given supplementary venous nutrition.

       

      He probably consulted Dr. Alan Feinstone…

  • Meangreenmother
    Meangreenmother
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    great review of a piece of shit movie.
    “lock you inside doors with a key” are very normal here.
    It’s the European way i guess.

  • Phoenixfirex
    Phoenixfirex
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 10

    When i saw that title for the first time…

    I thought it was about some sort of Human/Centipede Monster

    NOT THREE PEOPLE SEWN TOGETHER!

    That Tom Six guy is Fucked Up!

    And anyone that actually likes this movie is equally Fucked up!

  • EpicFish
    EpicFish
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 25

    There are people on IMDb praising this dreck for being shocking and unique. *facepalm* Oy vey!

  • FZL
    FZL
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    When I first read this movie’s premise I thought to myself “Well okay, cool… but how is do you stretch that into a whole movie?” Now I have my answer: You don’t. Maybe this would have worked as a short film? Yeah, I know it’d still be gross and unessesary, but that’s kinda the point. A short film would have gotten that accross just fine and would probably have been more effective because it wouldn’t BORE and ANNOY us to death well before the movie’s payoff.

  • paintedwallpaper
    paintedwallpaper
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    I laughed so hard at this review, that i nearly shit right into the mouth of the person im connectected to.  Thank god im the front link, and i am not going to nobily Mortal Kombat myself to save Lindsey and Jill.  Those two fucking ding bats got what they deserve.  YOu were very pissed at this film and rightfuly so.  I hate it when exposition makes me hate the characters im supposed to be getting to know.  I cursed through the whole Hills Have Eyes remake, in the theatre.  “Stop firing over your shoulder as you run!!  Hes like 50 feet away from you, stop take aim, and stop wasting ammo.  Oh my god, you shot him in the shoulder!  Nobody dies from that, hes faking, oh holy fuck he just put his gun on the ground to embrace his girlfriend…. EAT THEM BOTH!!!”

     

    This is my favorite review thus far.  I still have many more to watch, so you can let me find out out the answer to this question on my own but… What is your obsession with that horrible, nonsensical Jason DeRulo song?  LAWL  hate that annoying song.

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 910

    Face it…It’s softcore fetish porn masquerading as horror, for the director & R Kelly to fap to.