41 Comments

  • LSWSjr
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    I only recently watched Hellraiser III, it’s silly but still nicely tied to the first two 🙂

    Cheers
    Rowan/LSWSjr

    • Jon Protagonist
      Jon Protagonist
      JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
      Comments: 142

      Hellraiser III is great in parts, silly in others, and has Motorhead on the soundtrack and Lt Dax from Deep Space Nine.

      Could be worse.

      The Hellraiser movies past the first two are a mixed bag, but mostly bad.

       

  • mater-suspiriorum
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    I’ve been trying to convince my boyfriend to watch Hellraiser for a few years, and hopefully your review will be the final push. Or we can watch the bad movies in the series and laugh at them or cringe. Either way, it’ll be a very strange bonding experience. : P

    Hellword is like one of those really bad full-motion-video games from back in the day, but I can’t believe that it’s just some shitty digital Lament Configuration puzzle. I do realize that I’m probably expecting too much of this movie, but at least make it convincing as to why people are hooked by it. It’s also not attracting the proper crowd that the Cenobites look for. These people probably do make questionable choices at parties, but they’re not even close to being full-blown hedonists like Frank Cotton. Dr. Channard from Hellbound seemed like a decent guy at first, but he soon proved himself to be just as fucked up (I’m also really happy that you mentioned that Pinhead and his group left Tiffany alone – she had no desire to summon them and was only used by Channard and Julia because she was good at solving puzzles, “It’s not hands that call us. It is desire.“). I doubt that the main protagonists in Hellword have the stomach to do what Cotton and Channard did.

    I’ve seen a similar concept like Hellworld – that’s done decently! I own an anthology of short stories about the Hellraiser universe (with a foreward by Clive Barker and an afterword by Doug Bradley), called Hellbound Hearts, in it is a story called “Mother’s Ruin”. I do have problems with the writing style and how it’s presented, but it’s adequate enough. It explores how Cenobites would entice people through the internet – through perverse websites chock full of disturbing imagery. It entices the right people (and trust me, the protagonist, Elliot, is a very depraved weirdo), and provides them with a strange address as the website inexplicably begins to fade away. If you show up at this address, they have you. This is a much better way of how Cenobites can select candidates to show them their perverse “pleasure”.
    Again, I felt like the writing style lacked subtlety – I thought that the descriptions of what Elliot saw at the website and what the Cenobites showed him were overdone. Sure, things got cringeworthy and painful, but it lacked the weirdness that Hellraiser and Hellbound had. I feel like if one is going to write about the Cenobites, then it should be done poignantly, rather than edgelord-esque descriptions of pain and gore.
    Sorry if I turned this little comment into a full-blown rant, but it is proof that this “Cenobites are aware of technology and can use it to their advantage” plot can be done better. Hellworld felt extremely half-assed. I love Hellraiser and this felt like a kick to the gut.

    Also, what? Pinhead himself killing people in that manner? He has many other ways at his disposal. If you think about it, though, he probably wanted this silly plot to be over and done with. Or his victims were not worthy of his tastes. It’s better if you look at it that way.
    But thank you for another video. I enjoyed it greatly and you’re amazing, as usual.

    • FungusAmongUs
      FungusAmongUs
      Old Man
      Comments: 4

      Pinhead was probably blowing off steam since he was bored. Kind of like how I work off my anger and aggression by horrifically murdering demons in my spare time.

      As for the “killer that uses the internet as a medium”, in general that genre is very much… Bleh. I feel like the best way to take advantage of a medium like that is probably looking at something like the SCP Foundation (some of its internet-related horrors are splendid), or to take advantage of its world-wide communication services. I mean, what’s stopping a group of vampires/werewolves/etc from using it to link up and form larger groups and organization.

      Then again, I’m a sucker for the more bestial/monster side of horrors, so I probably don’t know much.

      • Brother_Malachai
        I'm on a post!
        Comments: 245

        I mean, yeah.  If Al-Qaeda, ISIS, etc…can use the internet for spying, organizing, giving orders, propaganda, and recruitment irl, why can’t horror monsters that are sentient do the same thing?  This is one case where reality is more horrific than fiction.

  • BarryTheMasterOfSandwich
    BarryTheMasterOfSandwich
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 91

    I’m glad that you took a moment to focus on Other One, as I feel he really makes the movie.

  • Knightroglycerin
    Knightroglycerin
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 167

    I love the first two Hellraiser movies and the short story the original movie is based on, The Hellbound Heart. It’s a shame that, like all good horror movies, it’s been run into the ground by greedy studios.

  • Anders
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    I would watch Pinhead v Superman.

  • Leech
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 65

    Great job, Phelous! What an ill thought out mess of a movie this was. Say, does this new, spooky theme song mean that you’ll be reviewing horror moviews more frequently again? I mean, I enjoy your Animated reviews (especially the Dingo ones) and your Bootleg Zones, but your horror reviews were what got me interested in your work in the first place, and I was a bit sad when it seemed like you had completely moved on from the horror genre.

  • Arwijn123
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    I hate this movie… it was such an embarrassment to the rest of the series! Way to completely remove all tension and mythos… But at least we got to see Pinhead for like 2 seconds in this film!

  • Handsome Pete
    Handsome Pete
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 95

    I like the part where the British girl stands in front of a KEEP OUT sign and says sassy things at it.

  • Laserface
    Laserface
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 89

    Other One looks very much like Voldo from Soul Calibur.

    Wow, nice to see Hellraiser become just another “partying morons get killed” “horror” movie. What’s next, Pumpkinhead? The Exorcist? Frankenstein? The Thing? Jaws?

    • Dust
      CUUUUT
      Comments: 74

      How about Don’t Look Now, with morons partying?

      “Dude, let’s go see why that little kid’s run down that alley!”

    • Dust
      CUUUUT
      Comments: 74

      So what was his plan if the Dipshit Squad recognised him as Whosit’s father? … Just to be stupid, I’m hoping it involved drugging them all to think he was Max from Man’s Best Friend.

  • Alex C.
    Alex C.
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 147

     

    I think Lance Henriksen takes these roles knowing they are going to suck, secure in the knowledge he’ll be the best part of any terrible horror B-movie you see.

  • thisseatofmars
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 61

    Phelous, great to see you reviewing horror again. Your cartoon stuff is great and everything (Beauty and the Beast, woooo) but horror takes me back to the good ol’ days of your Crocodile, Boogeyman, In the Name of the King, and Pulse reviews. Funny, funny, funny, and this is a great vid. Keep up the great work and don’t let anyone box you into a corner telling you what you should be/should not be, or what to review and not. (The same goes for Lupa!)

  • Marvelfan211
    Marvelfan211
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 88

    Other-One is the Baltard of Cenobites.

    • Spike
      Spike
      Fighting Steffi Love
      Comments: 177

      Other-One: Uunnnngghh! But Baltard am master of disguise! How you figure it out?!

    • Brother_Malachai
      I'm on a post!
      Comments: 245

      Sorry, I have to respectfully w/ you and Phelous.  While his design is a bit unimaginative, his getup and weapon still looks more like a proper Cenobite than the atrocious “Camera-Head” and “CD Face” of Hellraiser III.  Those two should be the Balltards of the Cenobites imho.

  • Steve3
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 107

    They should have made this a Feardotcom.com sequel instead- Hellworlddotcom.com

  • Spike
    Spike
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 177

    Uuuuuugghh…. I stopped watching these films after 4 because it’d gotten too dumb at that point. And y’know what, I like the first three… sure, the third had some dumb moments like CD head, but it wasn’t like it was that bad from start to finish, just didn’t live up to the promise of the first two.

    But THIS?! There’s just nothing redeemable about it, is there??

    Ah well, nice to see you do do a horror film again sometimes, been a really long while C:
    I’d live to see you review more of these films–even the first two good ones

  • The Phantom of Pulp
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 112

    You’re not reviewing an animated film?! I’M OUTRAGED!!! I don’t care if you do this normally or that there are people who enjoy them: no one can enjoy what I don’t so I’m REALLY OUTRAGED!!

    I’m so OUTRAGED I won’t even watch the review (and not because horror isn’t my thing due to a delicate consitution): I’ll just sit here and stare at the screen, fuming due to pure RAGE!!

    Just sitting here…staring… because RAGE!!

     

    (this comment was a fanmade parody: support the origional :))

  • Lermont
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 68

    The series canonically ended when the puzzle box became locked with a slide puzzle — no one wanted nor could solve that shit and it stayed locked forever. Pinhead knew then that he should have gone with “spot 10 differences”, but it was too late.

  • Parker
    Quan Chi
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 34

    I actually remember seeing this on cable once, years ago. Sadly, it’s the only Hellraiser film I’ve seen so far, though I’ll make sure to fix that in the future.

  • Jon Protagonist
    Jon Protagonist
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 142

    I think this is the worst Hellraiser sequel. Any time lazy movie makers try to be hip and include “youth culture” stuff like the “internet” and “gaming” into their movies, it’s always such fail.

    Some of the other sequels were watchable, even if they didn’t really feel like Hellraiser movies.

    • FungusAmongUs
      FungusAmongUs
      Old Man
      Comments: 4

      They never seem to take advantage of the fact the Internet is a multi-media device with purposes beyond “killer” video games/web sites and the occasional murderous mixtape internet ghost. I mean, why not have a bunch of vampires using the internet to fund a blood bank, or werewolves using the internet to find places where they can hunt prey…

      I mean seriously, Welshy did a whole short film on the dark side of the internet, why doesn’t a horror movie take advantage of that dark side of the web and use it to good effect…

      But then again, the directors that make these movies must be A: don’t give two shits about film-making or B: crusty old dudes who should be in retirement homes.

       

      • Jon Protagonist
        Jon Protagonist
        JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
        Comments: 142

        Oh yeah, there has always been this hilarious need for out-of-touch film makers to try and exploit the youth culture and zeitgeist of the day. At the time it often comes off as insulting and wrong, but over time it comes off as highly amusing fodder to pick apart.

        Rock and roll, rap, video games, skateboarding, extreme sports, surfing, etc.

        • FungusAmongUs
          FungusAmongUs
          Old Man
          Comments: 4

          I’m pretty sure out-of-touch film makers have tried to use every recent medium and failed. What makes it sad is this movie could have been better at least, had they stuck true to the Hellraiser mythos… But I digress, money talks and. Well, you know from this movie.

          The saddest thing is, I could probably come up with a better movie then at least half of these horror movies on the site. They’re so embarrassing, I wonder if the writers were elementary school students, because a half-way decent writer would do way better then these clowns…

          Time to go watch more Phelous…

          :D:D

    • likalaruku
      likalaruku
      Completely Useless Now
      Comments: 721

      My least favorite was…uhhh…::Has to google it:: Hellraiser 6: Hellseeker. The plot synopsis didn’t sound bad, but I remember being very very bored.

      • Jon Protagonist
        Jon Protagonist
        JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
        Comments: 142

        Bored…I can see that.

        I liked it because it was one of those movies where you didn’t know what was real, what was imagined, what was madness type stories, and it was done right where you felt uneasy. It just didn’t do anything exciting with that premise or really go anywhere. Also it has another Superman! Dean Cain.

        However, I can see where you would be bored since the payoff was fairly predictable.

        Inferno was like that too, both were less silly than Hellraiser 3 and Hellworld, but Hellraiser 3 also had some truly awesome moments, where Hellworld was just dumb teen survival horror.

  • Lulzy Hunter
    Lulzy Hunter
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 11

    This movie sucks. I really like the first three Hellraiser films, but the rest all suck.

    I see. One other suggestion I would recommend if you are looking for a horror would be the 2009 Joel Schumacher film Blood Creek (2009 ), it is directed by the guy who brought us Batman Forever as well as Batman And Robin, it has Dominic Purcell as the lead, and it also has Henry Cavil (the current Superman) and Michael Fassbender as co-stars, & it even features Wentworth Miller in an uncredited bit part. Seems like plenty of fodder material for jokes. Any thoughts, Phelous?

    • Alex C.
      Alex C.
      JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
      Comments: 147

      Cavill is NOT the current Superman.

      Cavill played Bizzaro-Snyder Superman in Man of Shit and Bad Reviews v Super-disaster.

      The real Superman character doesn’t unflinchingly kill people, carelessly destroy the cities he’s trying to “protect”, mope around like a depressed teenager, have parents who don’t want him to use his powers for good, and isn’t a literal Jesus/god allegory.

      Cavill will also return to his Bizzaro role in the “Oh shit, we shouldn’t have hired Snyder to do two Justice League movies without seeing BvS, which earned terrible reviews and made hundreds of millions less than anticipated, and why are we still having David S. Goyer write, he’s terrible!” movies.

      • Dust
        CUUUUT
        Comments: 74

        Nah, Bizarro smiles once in a while, so that rules him out. Cavill’s playing Superboy-Prime.

      • Lulzy Hunter
        Lulzy Hunter
        NewbieDotCom.Com
        Comments: 11

        That is completely subjective. Also, given the reception, both have found success with an audience.

        Also, this does not address a single point I made. Your “points” come off as superfluous to my own.

  • FungusAmongUs
    FungusAmongUs
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    Great review, Phelous, always been a long-time fan that has watched from the shadows. 10/10, as always.

    If looking for more terrible horror movies, may I point a lengthy, extended middle finger towards Jack the Reaper, which is a horrific horror movie that I wasted my time on. But I digress, what movie you pick next to rip into is your choice.

    😀

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 721

    0:27 RIP headphone users.

    As a teen I had a soft spot for Hellraiser 4, but only the 1st half. As an adult, I realized it was strictly due to my fondness for long hair on men & historically accurate costumes. It’s kinda like if a guy watched a bad movie for Pamela Anderson, & she had a breast reduction in the second half.

    Ahh, 2005 websites… I remember surfing them like it was yesterday. We still had midis, guestbooks, counters, & webrings, right?

    Loved how you started singing “I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight,” because it got stuck in my head the moment he said it.

    Conspicuous CGI death is conspicuous.

  • OrangeRider
    OrangeRider
    I'm on a post!
    Comments: 241

    This still feels like a better MMO than Sword Art Online. At least in this one, less people died.