22 Comments

  • Torque
    Torque
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 27

    WHAT IS THIS?

  • Torque
    Torque
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 27

    You may never use a Barry quote again. You broke the Quota.

  • dennett316
    dennett316
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 13

    Great stuff again Phelous, even if I disagree with your overall opinion on these flicks as I actually enjoy them.  Can’t complain with any points you’ve ever raised about them, but I like ’em anyway.  I don’t care that she’s not super powered and yet still flying around like a super human….the fight scene in the poorly secured corridor is great.  I don’t care that Leon looks really, really old or that Barry isn’t actually Barry…he looks enough like him to please me.

    I’ve long since accepted that it’s an alternate universe Resident Evil…and I’m excited to see the 6th movie after the great cliffhanger of Retribution.  Then again, the way the other cliffhangers have been handled so far hasn’t been great….but I can’t help being optimistic.

  • honkytonk
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    Damn you and your running gags, every time I play TF2 and a heavy eats a sandvich I have to ask the player if it’s a Jill Sandwich and every time I call my dragon with the horn in Ni No Kuni I wonder if there’s a rape going on somewhere… please get out of my head.

  • IHadAShotgun
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 26

    But I remember saying that as far as a sequel was worth it just so Phelous would have review fodder.

    The Carlos clone suburb scene smacked of the Dawn of the Dead remake, and with the Hoth Rebel Base shot I wonder if they’re aiming for a horrible homage angle and failing miserably.

    This review fills me with unlooked for joy. Even if I would be happier eating a Jill sandwich.

    • IHadAShotgun
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 26

      It’s amazing that they keep making these more convoluted instead of simpler; they could’ve retconned Apocalypse and Afterlife by playing the simulation card and I might’ve given the movie franchise another chance. Instead they keep writing themselves into corners and  it’d actually be less insulting if they just dumbed it down to basics. I’ll admit that tossing in more in-costume characters is neat, but that’s tempered with the certainty that it’ll fall flat later.

       

  • IHadAShotgun
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 26

    I remember enjoying them. Reckon I’ll rewatch all the Resident Evil reviews before rereading those.

  • Steve3
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 107

       “Hello, Chinese Defense Minister, I’m from Umbrella and I’d like to sell you some bioweapons. Check out this sweet simulation we crafted showing Tokyo being consumed in a zombie outbreak.”     

       “You mean like the actual zombie outbreak that destroyed Tokyo two movies ago?”    

     

       “Yeah just like that, but much smaller in scope.”    

     

       “Well you sold me. Your weapons will be super useful if humanity ever actually recovers. Unfortunately, my economy is pretty much wrecked for the next oh…forever years. I hope you accept payment in zombies and sand, as those are pretty much all I have now.”    

     

       “Well luckily we’re a corporation that can continue to exist with any functioning economies or consumer base, we can create and explode any number of secret bases and generate endless armies, despite there not being any population from which to recruit employees or anyone to farm food for us or anyone to harvest the raw material from which we make our products. So sure just give us a dumpster full of zombie heads and we’ll call it squaresies.”    

     

       “Great! Say if you can do all that, why bother even selling anything to us?”    

     

       “I DONT KNOW”

     

  • IHadAShotgun
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 26

    12:35 all the people invisible because they’re off camera? That might be the closest the movies have come to imitating the games. Must be an accident.

  • IraeNicole
    IraeNicole
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 8

    Thanks to your reviews I was hoping for a “Jill sandwich” quote or something the entire time and was disappointed when there was none. Thanks for ruining the greatest movie of all time Phailous!

    Hah but seriously, great review I can’t wait for Part 2. I enjoyed the movie in a “turn off my brain” kind of way and am kind of looking forward to the next movie just to see what they do and also to hopefully be done with this movie series so they can maybe reboot it to be more accurate to the games. 

  • Sephiroth1204
    Sephiroth1204
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 50

    Definitely a Resident Evil sandwich.
     I suspect Leon’s ‘death’ in Jill’s paper was a mistranslation of Jill saying he was dead to her. Definitely not a plot hole. Nope. 
    That Barry montage was priceless. 

  • edrobot
    edrobot
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    I hope this isn’t chris’ blood.

  • Dexy22
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    They totally blew any continuity they were going for after Extinction’s “THE ENTIRE WORLD IS A BARREN WASTELAND” deal.

    Oh well, they’re going to keep making them as long as there’s profit to be had, completely fucking the game fan’s in the ass by just picking characters out of the games and putting them into these mess of movies.

  • GODCONVOYPRIME
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 36

    You’re tearing me apart resident evil: Retribution!

  • Plasticlion
    Plasticlion
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 68

    If all the vegitation and animals are gone then it’s time to start making some Alice sandwiches. Just stick her in the freezer, she’ll keep.

  • tommieraider
    tommieraider
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 8

    Well done, sir! Can’t wait for part 2. And 3? No, surely not 3. But still, can’t wait! 

  • SsnakeBite
    SsnakeBite
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 76

    Man, just when you think it can’t get any worse, this franchise finds new ways to be stupid. I can’t believe they included a clone story, cancelled that, then brought it back. It’s like even Anderson doesn’t ware about these movies’ story anymore even though he’s the only one who wants them to exist. Also, is Leon also supposed to be a clone and that’s why he’s alive despite being dead? Nah, it’ll probably be stupider than that.

    Thankfully you’re here to make it all better, Phelous. We even got a kinda-sorta Resident Hazard 4 – Barry Special! Yay!

  • Dejablue
    Dejablue
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 65

    These films are the most expensive fanfiction EVER!!  Who is Raccoon even trying to sell the virus to?  If the earth was reduced to wasteland what nations are left??

  • aspire77
    aspire77
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 40

    Stand There: The Movie, WITH SUPA 3D SLO MO SL’ACTION FO REALLY REALS YAA YO!
    I remember my cousin nudging me awake when barry showed up n was like “no it’s not”*back to sleep*
    what these films need is a back scratcher.

  • Lionkingview
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Thank you for sparing me the boredom of shitty movies like this one ….watching this movie would have been a money wasting shit SANDWICH 

     

    But sereously , nice review

  • Jellah-Feesh
    Jellah-Feesh
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 46

    Is it just me, or did the back of that newspaper feature an ad for Resident Evil perfume? Hmm… “Apocalypse. A baffling new scent from Umbrella Corporation. Smells so weird, you won’t know what the hell is going on. (WARNING: Do not use if you are allergic to T-virus.)”

     

  • HeadHunterX
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    Yep. Whether it’s the movies or the games they do in fact love their clones. The games just down slap you in the face with it every installment.

    Games= 118, Live action movies= -2