Oh Uwe, you never disappoint in your ability to disappoint. Also, making that parallel between Romero’s Land of the Dead and Twilight scared me for a second there. The ramifications of that would be world-destroying.
As for the ending, well, I like me some Doctor Who, but this is certainly some old-school referencing, which unfortunately I don’t get on my own (only been watching since the new series). Thanks to the internet, though, I can get what exactly you’re referencing with The Watcher and such… though why you’re dressed like The Master and not one of the Doctors, I’m not quite sure (the goatee, maybe?). Anyway, nice to know you’re a Time Lord, kinda explains all the dying and coming back to life (though how exactly you have so many lives when TLs should only have 13 is odd).
Awesome review as always Phelous, I was going to list off the 3 jokes/bits i found were the funniest but by 3 minutes in i completely lost track of all the bits that worked so well cuz they were all halirous. Definatly made me laugh out loud, and actually laugh out loud not like the stupid “lol” people put when they dont even actually laugh out loud (bunch of lairs). the rip on the sega dreamcast was awesome. Definatly a great review man gotta say with every review your getting more funnier with your jokes timing and references. To be honest i stoped watchin house of the dead after louise lane had her beach scene haha didnt seem like it could top that, now I know my instincts were correct. Anyways keep up the great work man!
I love Troma. I love The Asylum and Syfy Originals. Because I love bad movies, not ironically, but genuinely, it should follow that I love Uwe Boll. But, I don’t. He’s the one purveyor of schlock that I can not stand. It takes me years to get through one of his movies (literally, it took me two years to finish watching “Alone in the Dark”). It’s torture. Where Troma is not-so-gentle slap of a leather whip and the chaffing of handcuffs, Uwe Boll is waterboarding and dislocation of kneecaps.
And, well, I commend anyone who can get through one of his movies once, let alone the amount of times it takes to write, shoot and edit a review.
So, the techno soundtrack was because they were going to a rave? I mean, they’ve got to remind us about the reason they were on the stupid island in first place, I suppose. Because that’s important.
Loved how you tied together your ability to seemingly survive death.
I love watching bad movies, but I’ve never made it through a whole Boll movie. I don’t think they’re as fun as a Syfy Original, for example. Maybe it’s I-know-I’m-bad-but-I-don’t-care vs I-know-I’m-bad-who-cares? If that makes any sense… 🙂
That totally makes sense. Troma, Syfy and The Asylum are, at their best, purveyors of camp. They don’t take themselves seriously and this gives the audience implicit permission to laugh with them. Boll takes his half-assed, yet still over-worked films too seriously. Now, because he takes them dead seriously, we can only laugh at him. But, he makes it hard, for me at least, to enjoy the schadenfreude of laughing at his failure because he’s such a dick about it.
I’m glad you understood, and put it better than I did. I really haven’t been very coherent lately. 😀
But yeah, the whole “if you don’t like my movies I’m going to beat the shit out of you” thing really shows what a lack of a sense of humor this guy has.
Oh, I was elated to seeing just the title card, but then I really lost once the Doctor Who theme started. The older version, even! I’ve only watched The Five Doctors and the Armageddon factor. Try not to get DELETED reviewing the next movie. At least there’s no more shitty “game over” screens!
I saw this movie quite a while ago, and it’s the only Uwe Boll movie I can kind of tolerate (in that it sucks so much it’s funny, as opposed to Alone in the Dark, which just sucks). There was one line I loved that didn’t show up in the review, though.
Curien: “Why’d you become immortal?”
Castillo: “To live forever.”
Makes sense to me!
It’s funny, really, but this actually raised my appreciation for the first Resident Evil movie. Basically, I saw the first RE film and, in spite of its flaws, it made me want to take a look at the games, which I loved (I own 0 through 4, though I don’t have 5 yet). After playing the games, I really hated the movie, but then I saw House of the Dead…and I realized that the RE movie could have been SO much worse.
Edit: And no, I really don’t know why my posts always show up as one paragraph. I’m TRYING to space them out!
I see you took my advice. Wait, you took my advice?! OH MY GOD!!! And wait, where were all of the Resident Evil jokes? Knowing you I’m suprised that you didn’t use ’em.
I was wondering when you’d sink your teeth into a Boll (of shit) movie, this was great. I think he must indeed get his jollies from fucking up perfectly good (okay not perfect but decent) and simple stories with all these other go nowhere plots and throw away characters.
I didn’t the the Doctor Who reference until right at the end, lol, great stuff. The classic Who is amazing, I think they had a 10 dollar budget for each episode but it was still great.
Once again another great video Phelous, thank you from all your fans 😀
I absolutely loved the Phelous Who intro. I hope you use it again.
I’m not totally familiar with the older Doctors; I started with Christopher Eccleston and only know bits of story/characters from the older series. It is a relief to know that I won’t have to keep getting scared by you popping in the window. 🙂
Absolute lamest excuse for a breakup. The Worst Death Scene Ever almost gave me a seizure. And man, that fight scene was boring and nonsensical. Did their weapons keep changing from second to second?
Loved the review! The pointless rapid-cutscene thrown together to “the worst death evar” was truly horrible. It almost gave me a headache watching all those clips mashed together like that.
I could tell you were really dreading this film. You seem so “lets get to the point and get the hell out of here” during the whole thing.
bout damn time someone got into this movie, im glad though Uwe Bole isnt makeing movies anymore… Wait im just getting in that hes making Farcry. DAMNIT
Did you notice the “dead-a-pult”? One of the zombies used it to jump out from the bushes and no one bothered to edit the springboard out of the final cut. I laughed about that one for a few days.
5mins 51s – Docto: “Which is the quickest way out?” *everyone points in different directions* Doctor: “Ah. Well. That’s democracy for you.”
Also, Also, when that guy jumps the girl in blue I noticed she’s still wearing the same clothes on which he had PUKED earlier. This is why I will never find a boyfriend I guess – hygiene and stuff…
11mins 28s – Red screen! Quick! A rose! Quick!!!
And I will never stop praying for George A. Romero’s ‘Twilight’.
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Nice job on your first Uwe Boll movie. I loved the ending too, it was surprisingly… epic? Again good job.
Oh Uwe, you never disappoint in your ability to disappoint. Also, making that parallel between Romero’s Land of the Dead and Twilight scared me for a second there. The ramifications of that would be world-destroying.
As for the ending, well, I like me some Doctor Who, but this is certainly some old-school referencing, which unfortunately I don’t get on my own (only been watching since the new series). Thanks to the internet, though, I can get what exactly you’re referencing with The Watcher and such… though why you’re dressed like The Master and not one of the Doctors, I’m not quite sure (the goatee, maybe?). Anyway, nice to know you’re a Time Lord, kinda explains all the dying and coming back to life (though how exactly you have so many lives when TLs should only have 13 is odd).
this was my honest to god reaction when i saw this title for today. Not kidding.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3ALwKeSEYs&feature=related “YESSSS YESSSSSSS”–bison.
This movie is so…so.. ugh… there is no word to describe it but thaaaank you so much phelous
Am i the only own who screamed “HOLY SHIT ITS EZIO AUDITORE DE FIRENZE” when Costello showed up in this review? Seriously.
I look forward to more Uwe Boll bashing<3
OMG Phelous! you finally did it!!!!!!! I remember I requested this half a year a go if not more!!
thaank you!!! your my hero!!
I’ve been waiting for this for SO LONG!!!!!! don’t die yet before you review the second part!!!
Awesome review as always Phelous, I was going to list off the 3 jokes/bits i found were the funniest but by 3 minutes in i completely lost track of all the bits that worked so well cuz they were all halirous. Definatly made me laugh out loud, and actually laugh out loud not like the stupid “lol” people put when they dont even actually laugh out loud (bunch of lairs). the rip on the sega dreamcast was awesome. Definatly a great review man gotta say with every review your getting more funnier with your jokes timing and references. To be honest i stoped watchin house of the dead after louise lane had her beach scene haha didnt seem like it could top that, now I know my instincts were correct. Anyways keep up the great work man!
I love Troma. I love The Asylum and Syfy Originals. Because I love bad movies, not ironically, but genuinely, it should follow that I love Uwe Boll. But, I don’t. He’s the one purveyor of schlock that I can not stand. It takes me years to get through one of his movies (literally, it took me two years to finish watching “Alone in the Dark”). It’s torture. Where Troma is not-so-gentle slap of a leather whip and the chaffing of handcuffs, Uwe Boll is waterboarding and dislocation of kneecaps.
And, well, I commend anyone who can get through one of his movies once, let alone the amount of times it takes to write, shoot and edit a review.
So, the techno soundtrack was because they were going to a rave? I mean, they’ve got to remind us about the reason they were on the stupid island in first place, I suppose. Because that’s important.
Loved how you tied together your ability to seemingly survive death.
I love watching bad movies, but I’ve never made it through a whole Boll movie. I don’t think they’re as fun as a Syfy Original, for example. Maybe it’s I-know-I’m-bad-but-I-don’t-care vs I-know-I’m-bad-who-cares? If that makes any sense… 🙂
That totally makes sense. Troma, Syfy and The Asylum are, at their best, purveyors of camp. They don’t take themselves seriously and this gives the audience implicit permission to laugh with them. Boll takes his half-assed, yet still over-worked films too seriously. Now, because he takes them dead seriously, we can only laugh at him. But, he makes it hard, for me at least, to enjoy the schadenfreude of laughing at his failure because he’s such a dick about it.
I’m glad you understood, and put it better than I did. I really haven’t been very coherent lately. 😀
But yeah, the whole “if you don’t like my movies I’m going to beat the shit out of you” thing really shows what a lack of a sense of humor this guy has.
Great review man. this one was especially funny. Deff one of your best episodes!
Incredible review, Phelan. And an even more incredible intro/outro. 😀
Plus my absolute favorite version of the Doctor Who theme. Which is, I’m sure, the entire and only reason you used it.
Oh, I was elated to seeing just the title card, but then I really lost once the Doctor Who theme started. The older version, even! I’ve only watched The Five Doctors and the Armageddon factor. Try not to get DELETED reviewing the next movie. At least there’s no more shitty “game over” screens!
I saw this movie quite a while ago, and it’s the only Uwe Boll movie I can kind of tolerate (in that it sucks so much it’s funny, as opposed to Alone in the Dark, which just sucks). There was one line I loved that didn’t show up in the review, though.
Curien: “Why’d you become immortal?”
Castillo: “To live forever.”
Makes sense to me!
It’s funny, really, but this actually raised my appreciation for the first Resident Evil movie. Basically, I saw the first RE film and, in spite of its flaws, it made me want to take a look at the games, which I loved (I own 0 through 4, though I don’t have 5 yet). After playing the games, I really hated the movie, but then I saw House of the Dead…and I realized that the RE movie could have been SO much worse.
Edit: And no, I really don’t know why my posts always show up as one paragraph. I’m TRYING to space them out!
Now, I’ll be the first to admit. This movie, to me, is a really large, humungus (or however you spell it), gigantic, MEGA… guilty pleasure.
I see you took my advice. Wait, you took my advice?! OH MY GOD!!! And wait, where were all of the Resident Evil jokes? Knowing you I’m suprised that you didn’t use ’em.
I was wondering when you’d sink your teeth into a Boll (of shit) movie, this was great. I think he must indeed get his jollies from fucking up perfectly good (okay not perfect but decent) and simple stories with all these other go nowhere plots and throw away characters.
I didn’t the the Doctor Who reference until right at the end, lol, great stuff. The classic Who is amazing, I think they had a 10 dollar budget for each episode but it was still great.
Once again another great video Phelous, thank you from all your fans 😀
I absolutely loved the Phelous Who intro. I hope you use it again.
I’m not totally familiar with the older Doctors; I started with Christopher Eccleston and only know bits of story/characters from the older series. It is a relief to know that I won’t have to keep getting scared by you popping in the window. 🙂
Absolute lamest excuse for a breakup. The Worst Death Scene Ever almost gave me a seizure. And man, that fight scene was boring and nonsensical. Did their weapons keep changing from second to second?
Loved the review! The pointless rapid-cutscene thrown together to “the worst death evar” was truly horrible. It almost gave me a headache watching all those clips mashed together like that.
I could tell you were really dreading this film. You seem so “lets get to the point and get the hell out of here” during the whole thing.
Once again, great job!
bout damn time someone got into this movie, im glad though Uwe Bole isnt makeing movies anymore… Wait im just getting in that hes making Farcry. DAMNIT
Wait wait wait, why did the Watcher have the reverse song of healing as his theme one time? … Why yes, this is important to me.
I remember watching this years ago, horrid movie.
Did you notice the “dead-a-pult”? One of the zombies used it to jump out from the bushes and no one bothered to edit the springboard out of the final cut. I laughed about that one for a few days.
Great review for a horrid movie, thank you
this movie is crap when i played the game i got so excited that there was a movie then when i saw it i got so disappointed
5mins 51s – Docto: “Which is the quickest way out?” *everyone points in different directions* Doctor: “Ah. Well. That’s democracy for you.”
Also, Also, when that guy jumps the girl in blue I noticed she’s still wearing the same clothes on which he had PUKED earlier. This is why I will never find a boyfriend I guess – hygiene and stuff…
11mins 28s – Red screen! Quick! A rose! Quick!!!
And I will never stop praying for George A. Romero’s ‘Twilight’.