28 Comments

  • Freshstep
    Freshstep
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 16

    Amazing to me they keep making these. If it wasn’t for their being a decent avenue for your humor, I’d say let’s go burn the fucking production company to the ground.

    • Freshstep
      Freshstep
      NewbieDotCom.Com
      Comments: 16

      And after watching it, I haven’t changed that opinion. From what I can see you can throw these right in with Return of the Giant Leeches, the remake of The Killer Shrews, or Galaxy Invader. Filmed in backyards, non-actors, bad cam work, and no definable structure what-so-ever. Glad you make these reviews because this movie would probably have me light myself on fire if I actually tried to watch it.

  • TheSKARD1
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 15

    Wild guess. Writer was told there would be 3 movies. Wrote the first part of a trilogy. Was not the writer for the remaining 2.

    • Goldstar
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 33

      Honestly, I can never tell if you’re being incredibly logical to the point of seeming robotic or just failing really hard at being funny.

      Anyway, it seems that the basic formula for these latest Witchcraft movies is the same as before: a barely cohesive story, soft core porn scenes with just a little magic thrown in in order to justify the franchise’s title.

    • Goldstar
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 33

      Honestly, I can never tell if you’re approach is supposed to be Dadaist or if you just don’t understand how jokes work.

      Anyway, it seems that the basic formula for these latest Witchcraft movies is the same as before: a barely cohesive story, soft core porn scenes with just a little magic thrown in in order to justify the franchise’s title.

      (This response is better. I’d delete the first one if I could.)

      • TheSKARD1
        NewbieDotCom.Com
        Comments: 15

        I wasn’t trying to make a joke. I was stating my thoughts on why there’s a disconnect between 14 and the other two. IMDB lists the writer as Keith Parker for 14 and Sean Abley for 15 and 16. I’m using this to suppose that there was some sort of miscommunication which lead to the incongruities mentioned in the review.

        Your description of robotic was closest to accurate. Whether this conveys logic or irrationality to you I cannot judge.

        • Goldstar
          A Real Turtles Fighter
          Comments: 33

          So “stiff and robotic” it is, then. I shouldn’t have accused you of having a sense of humor, attempting any sort of humor or having an understanding of humor or any type of human emotion. It wan’t happen.

          • Goldstar
            A Real Turtles Fighter
            Comments: 33

            So “stiff and robotic” it is, then. I shouldn’t have accused you of having a sense of humor, attempting any sort of humor or having even a minimal understanding of humor or any type of human emotion. It won’t happen again.

        • Silverstar
          Just might make the CUT
          Comments: 47

          You’re just like this other kid on the Channel Awesome forums: about as lively and fun as a route canal. I don’t get why people with no sense of humor spend so much time watching COMEDIC internet reviews. You do know these videos are supposed to be FUNNY, right? You do know what comedy is, right?

          • TheSKARD1
            NewbieDotCom.Com
            Comments: 15

            July 30, 2017

            TheSKARD1 became self aware.

            He reexamined his priorities and drew new conclusions.

            Reviews were watched for their demonstration of analytical reasoning. They present the problems encountered in making a narrative original or coherent. They serve as a lesson so that others can put right what once went wrong.

          • Goldstar
            A Real Turtles Fighter
            Comments: 33

            Yep. Definitely a robot.

            And here I thought that these videos were watched to be ENTERTAINING! Silly me.

          • Silverstar
            Just might make the CUT
            Comments: 47

            TheSKARD1 is a friendless loser not worthy of my attention. Got it.

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 768

    Hot damn. Nickelodeon is bringing back Rocko, Zim, & Arnold, & now we’re treading on Classic Lupa territory.

    Gurl, I remember when you were on Reviewtopia….No no, it wasn’t Reviewtopia, but it was like a month or 2 before you were picked up by TGWTG. Was it CriticsWatch?

    LIES! You’ve been though at least 10 different shades of red, orange, & auburn.

    Mmm…Spicy acting. Not quite House of the Dead 2, Story of Ricky, Chaos Wars, or Shenmue spicy, but enough to give you heartburn nonetheless.

    Rose has some serious anime eyes going on there. O_O

    Wait….Sleepy is a woman? I thought she was a Twink.

     

     

    • Spike
      Spike
      The Fuct of Pepsiman
      Comments: 221

      I wouldn’t be too excited for Nickelodeon bringing back those shows. Recall how excited people were for Power Puff Girls to come back, and what a massive pile of steaming garbage it was when it finally aired on TV. As for Hey Arnold specifically… not sure why bringing that back is a particularly exciting thing. It was a mediocre, if entertainingly silly, show. And it’s not like it got cancelled too early, messed up in the ending or had tonnes of stories left to tell. They rounded it off fine, so bringing it back seems kinda pointless to me.

      • Silverstar
        Just might make the CUT
        Comments: 47

        Those Nickelodeon shows are coming as specials, not new series. The Powerpuff Girls reboot didn’t have creator Craig McCracken at the helm, which should have been a HUGE red flag; these specials at least have their original creators involved. Everybody’s complaining about how awful the new PPG is, personally, I don’t think it’s worth getting angry and upset over; at the end of the day, it’s just another mediocre reboot of a once popular franchise. It’s not going to appeal to you if you grew up with the original, but it wasn’t made for you; CN just wanted a quick cash-grab by introducing something they’ve already made previously to their current audience. People tend to forget that the original PPG wasn’t always that great; it tended to get very formulaic as it went on, and the series jumped the shark after the movie. But that’s the thing about nostalgia: it makes people forget the bad stuff and remember the good stuff as being better than it actually was.

        The only one of the Nick specials I care about is the Rocko special, which based on the clip I saw looked pretty good and seems to be capturing the manic spirit of the show. I never watched Invader Zim and I couldn’t stand Hey, Arnold!; IMNSHO, it was one of the most boring and generic Nicktoons ever made, and I found the characters and stories more irritating than entertaining.

        • Silverstar
          Just might make the CUT
          Comments: 47

          That’s supposed to be ‘coming back as specials’. Curse you, lack of an Edit button!

          -Anyways, I forgot to mention that the Hey, Arnold! special is just a televised version of the 2nd movie script, which Nick originally planned to air theatrically but pulled the plug after the 1st movie under-performed (surprise, surprise).

  • Spike
    Spike
    The Fuct of Pepsiman
    Comments: 221

    The second I saw three all-new reviews for Witchcraft movie, my immediate reaction was “HOLY CRAP, REALLY?!”
    It’s hard to believe that they’d ever have made another one. Like you said way back when these reviews started, this series basically existed as a way to go to, say, Blockbuster to rent porn without actually having to go to the counter and rent real porn. Now that the internet exists and anyone can go anywhere and find exactly the kind of… -ahem- ‘unique’ entertainment they want, there’s no need for stuff like this. And with Blockbuster and almost every single other rental outlet dead and gone, replaced with the likes of Amazon Prime, Netflix and hundreds of on-demand films and shows, Witchcraft just doesn’t seem to have a place in this world anymore. I highly doubt some of the older movies will even get a DVD release, let alone blu-ray. Still, there’s something somewhat hilarious and endearing that somebody decided to resurrect the old series again.

    Incidentally, what is up with all the cop characters called Garner showing up on your review show? There’s a Garner on Baywatch Nights, the Witchcraft series, Charmed AND one in The Amazing Bulk. How deep does the Garner hole go?! (Man, that sounds so much worse than I intended typing it…)

    And yeah, I know how you feel when it comes to feeling so long ago that the old Witchcraft reviews came out, I remember the review series was something like halfway through when I decided to give your old show a chance, and it was they along with the Charmed reviews that convinced me to stick around. I still enjoy your videos to this day, though I look forward mostly to another Manic Episodes video.

    I recall you mentioned sorta-liking an sorta-hating Torchwood, given its uneven quality at times, so it’d be great to see a retrospective on the whole series. If I had the money for it, I’d likely have already requested that on Patreon by now.

  • happymel2
    happymel2
    Fighting Steffi Love
    Comments: 177

    Wow. Just wow. No franchise should last for more than 13 movies. You could be Star Wars and I’m not sure you should last that long. LOL.  

    • Spike
      Spike
      The Fuct of Pepsiman
      Comments: 221

      Weellll…. let’s think, so far we’ve had the original trilogy, the prequel trilogy, episode VII, Rogue One, the upcoming episodes VIII and IX, and soon we’ll have the Han Solo prequel movie. That’s twelve on their own.
      But then if you also count the Ewok films, that’s 14 films. Add in the Clone Wars movies, that’s 16 movies.
      And there’s bound to be more than that upcoming, I think they’re even working on a Rogue-2 movie 😀

      • rodro
        rodro
        Just might make the CUT
        Comments: 47

        And then we have the Marvel Cinematic Universe, for which the Spiderman film is the 16th. Plus 4 more in the next 12 months, plus another 4 in the making. And unless one of those bombs big time at Box Office, it will not stop.

        • Spike
          Spike
          The Fuct of Pepsiman
          Comments: 221

          Sometimes I wonder how long they can possibly keep it up. We’re fast approaching the tenth year of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and we’ve got TV shows and movies coming out the whazoo, expanding the universe so fast it’s difficult to keep up with sometimes.

  • SummerLadyDresden
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    Tara has the biggest tooth gap I have ever seen!  Seriously, you would park a semi in there.

  • Quan Chi
    Quan Chi
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 52

    Well… that definitely looks like a Witchcraft movie. You got to give them credit for that.

    Who wants to bet that somewhere, someone is at a boiling cauldron brewing up more sequels?

  • Otaku World Order
    Otaku World Order
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 25

    “One of the seven”? So is she a dwarf or something? Shouldn’t that mean Sleepy is one of the seven?

  • Lermont
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 80

    No-o-o! What have you done? This is a legacy series, it should have been reviewed in the Obscurus Lupa format! Now the series of reviews doesn’t match!

  • penpaninu
    penpaninu
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 71

    Oh god there’s more past 13?? Love the short haircut in the intro. And this review was tons of fun!

  • CyborgPrince
    CyborgPrince
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 100

    Wow. You’re right in that it looks like 2008. Some of those people’s styles, especially Sleepy, remind me of when I was back in high school.

    ‘9th regeneration of Will’. Will Spanner is a Time Lord, confirmed. Lutz and Garner probably as well. Explains why one regenerated into a different gender.