49 Comments

  • Alex C.
    Alex C.
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 147

    12:55 AAAAAAHHHHHHH! Kill it with underwater fire!

  • Dmitry Kurushin
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 19

    An entire Goodtimes/Golden films review without a single cameo from Old Man? I can’t believe that! Even his stupid son showed up as husband for evil Bell (23:20, seriously Goodtimes, was it so hard to make a new character design?)
    Please tell me he was there somewhere, hiding under the rocks and crying about how completely useless this entire ripoff is!

  • Dmitry Kurushin
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 19

    An entire Goodtimes/Golden films review without a single cameo from the Old Man? I can’t believe that! Even his stupid son showed up as husband for evil Bell (23:20, seriously Goodtimes, was it so hard to make a new character design?)
    Please, tell me that he was there somewhere. Hiding under the rocks and crying about how completely useless this entire ripoff is!

  • OrangeRider
    OrangeRider
    I'm on a post!
    Comments: 248

    Speaking of mermaids and love, Phelous should check out the music videos of access’s Mermaid Trilogy where one of the members of the duo falls in love with a mermaid (SPOILERS for 3 music videos from the 90’s) made up in their head. The J-Pop duo who sings the songs (access) are both boys so the relationship is pretty homoerotic. Fun Fact: the keyboardist of access (Daisuke Asakura) has been the main composer for various J-Pop groups/idols such as T.M. Revolution (a very famous artist who mixes J-Pop and J-Rock at the same time) and May’n (a J-Pop star who has done lots of songs for Macross Frontier).

  • OrangeRider
    OrangeRider
    I'm on a post!
    Comments: 248

    The Sea King in this movie kind of reminds me of King Neptune from SpongeBob SquarePants.

  • Makroth
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    They’re using Spongebob phisycs. Water within water.

  • RobertX
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    The characters in this movie are all wet. I wonder if this says something about them.

    If only there was someone, I don’t know, maybe someone with life experience, who has been around for a while,

    if you know what I mean, who could give us his opinion on that…

  • SpeedyEric
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 64

    Disney’s The Little Mermaid was the very first movie I remember seeing in theaters, and I’m not surprised that Goodtimes did their own mockbuster.

    Blariel’s head size makes her look like a rejected Bratz character. ¬†Also, she’s not as brain dead as Beauty in both versions of Goodtimes’ Beauty and the Beast movies, but she’s up there.

    Speaking as someone also named Eric, I can calmly state that the animators of this film weren’t even mother fuckin’ trying to make the prince look any goddamn different.

    10:03- At least Golden Films didn’t do their own version of Fantasia.

    14:20- You’re about as useless as Dundee from Lion and the King.

    I think this movie is running on SpongeBob logic with the pot of boiling liquid and the glass of liquid.

    20:38- “In the dream, it took me to the light. ¬†A beautiful lie.”

    Movie, in the words of Killdozer, “You stink.”

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 721

    I grew up with the 1975 anime version, which like this one, has a blonde mermaid with a¬†dolphin companion, & kept the depressing ending. Having been exposed to that one first by about 10 years, I actually disliked the Disney version because Ariel, a girl of 16, ran away from home & abandoned her entire family¬†for a CHANCE at marrying a complete stranger (who looks like an adult)¬†&¬†learned no moral lessons about not trying to be something you aren’t or not trying to steal another woman’s man, though Disney cut out that subplot entirely. I suppose I could look on it now as¬†“the path to success is cobbled from¬†sacrifice, & determination” but I¬†can’t really get behind that sappy sentiment. Had Ariel been nearing her 18th birthday¬†& wondering what she wanted to do with the rest of her life, I¬†would feel differently.

     

    • snorgatch
      snorgatch
      Bat Hero
      Comments: 94

      Here’s the thing about Disney’s Little Mermaid: Ariel is a twit.

      She’s a princess who has everything, and it’s not enough. She wants to be human and live on land with a guy she hardly knows. So she makes a deal with Ursula, and there’s no fine print, no deception. Ursula is completely honest about the deal: voice for legs. Ariel accepts the deal of her own free will, and Ursula delivers the goods. So now Ariel is human and living on land, and guess what? She’s still not happy. So she wants to renege on the deal, and tries to get her daddy to fix things for her. ¬†“Daddeeeee, I don’t like this! Fix it for meeeeee!”

      Basically, Ariel is every bratty, greedy, stupid, shallow, selfish, self-absorbed, irresponsible little teenage twat you’ve ever met.

      • Knightroglycerin
        Knightroglycerin
        Fighting Steffi Love
        Comments: 167

        Rich white fish privileges lol

      • Anno Nimus
        Anno Nimus
        Just might make the CUT
        Comments: 40

        Except that isn’t what happened. Ariel does indeed accept the deal willingly, and Ursula does indeed make her human in exchange for her voice, but that’s just part of a larger game Ursula is playing. That’s why she keeps sabotaging Ariel’s attempts to romance Eric. Not because she gives a rat’s ass about ruining Ariel’s happiness, but because she knows that once she’s got Ariel entrapped, she’ll be able to force Triton to surrender his power to her, which is what she wanted in the first place. Not that this excuses Ariel from making a deal with someone as obviously evil as Ursula, but there was no attempt by Ariel to renege.

      • HydraliskMan
        Old Man
        Comments: 1

        I actually agree, some of the Disney princesses are brats. Take Belle for example. She literally does nothing but read all day, while her father works hard to earn a living to provide for her, she is the most attractive girl in the town, and the most popular guy (albeit, kind of an ass) in the town wants to marry her. But, of course, she ‘wants more than this provincial life’? What will be good enough for her? Apparently living in a castle with countless servants who want nothing more than to wait on her.

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 721

    Lol, that castle looks like a ceramic aquarium toy.

    She’s a fully grown bobblehead? You mean she turned into Giada De’Larentiis?

    Eel, octopus, squid…They all taste good.

    I dunno why…But that dolphin reminds me of Woody Allen.

    Cassandra’s house looks like a giant rotted baby sweet pepper. Her voice is also super familiar sounding.

    Damn, where’d you get that Crystal Pepsi? I haven’t been able to find a store carrying it since they announced it was back.

    lol. Maybe if they’d spent more time showing them spending time together, it wouldn’t feel like a shotgun romance.

  • Jon Protagonist
    Jon Protagonist
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 143

    You referenced the lyric “The Dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had” and I couldn’t remember the song that was from. When I looked it up, the first few entries were for Gary Jules’ “Mad World” and it made me sad because it’s actually a song by Tears for Fears, and their original version is much better IMO. Maybe I’m just a sucker for good 80’s synth pop.

    Also, the story version of the Little Mermaid I was first exposed to was pretty dark also, but the mermaid lives in dire pain instead of dying.

     

     

  • C-Puff
    C-Puff
    Just might make the CUT
    Comments: 49

    A lot of this seems to be ripping off the 1975 anime version of the story as well. Especially the blonde mermaid, the dolphin companion, The presenting a pearl on her birthday. but I don’t know if Golden Films ever bothered to look at anything beyond the Disney version so who knows. Because you know… the anime version is good.

    Also was that line in the intro song seriously “I’ll be much more than foam on the sea”??? SERIOUSLY???

    And yes. According to JUNKO MIZUNO ;D Mermaids have sex with human men and then lay eggs. (I… I don’t know how. She didn’t erm… detail the specifics) you know.. before they ate them.

    Also, I’m pretty sure in the original story the prince was NEVER in love with the little mermaid. That was kind of the tragedy in the first place. Also, the sea-witch was never outright evil. She was just a witch who traded magic for whatever she needed.

  • OldMan
    OldMan
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 13

    My favorite character is the mermaid’s father! He’s smart and super helpful to everyone!!!

    HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dunes
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 190

    Prince Eric Threepwood

  • snorgatch
    snorgatch
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 94

    Apparently, the makers of this movie didn’t know or didn’t care that dolphins can’t breathe underwater. Vink would have drowned in about half an hour.

    Also, not all fish lay eggs. Some, like guppies, mollies, platys, and swordtails, are live-bearers. The males copulate with the females, who retain the eggs in their bodies until they hatch and then give birth to live young.

    • C-Puff
      C-Puff
      Just might make the CUT
      Comments: 49

      Last I heard (I’m too lazy to double check) about 40% of sharks also give live birth ūüôā

      • Marvelfan211
        Marvelfan211
        Bat Hero
        Comments: 88

        I’ve heard that as well. Can confirm as maybe sorta true, probably.

      • snorgatch
        snorgatch
        Bat Hero
        Comments: 94

        True, most sharks are ovoviviparous, meaning the mother retains the eggs in her body until they hatch and gives birth to live young. Other sharks are oviparous, meaning they lay eggs that hatch externally. Sharks and rays are closely related, and many rays do this, too. And some sharks are actually viviparous, meaning the baby forms a placental link to its mother as humans do.

        However, the fish parts of mer-people aren’t typically shark-like in appearance. Usually they are portrayed as having the same kind of fins and scales bony fish (teleosts) do, because those are the kinds of fish most people are familiar with. So sharks would seem not to be a good model for mer-people reproduction.