40 Comments

  • Dust
    CUUUUT
    Comments: 79

    Oh, of course… it was one of those extra-magic vodka fires that disfigures you and makes you insane, but leaves your clothes intact and sparkling white.

  • Videoworldking
    Old Man
    Comments: 1

    This video it’s completely useless now!

  • Bagel
    Bagel
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    Holy shit, I was not expecting a new Old Man reads!

    I am so happy to see this series return!

    <3

  • c0ketehwhale
    c0ketehwhale
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    Awesome!

  • Knightroglycerin
    Knightroglycerin
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 189

    Wow. These are all written so terribly.

  • Laserface
    Laserface
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 99

    Jeff the Killer is my boyfriend. …ew, not that one though. He is uuuuuu-gly!

    So yeah, this story is rather crap. I feel like I could make a better version, and I’ve never written anything in my life. The thing about this story is that nobody knows who made it, so it’s pretty much considered public domain. That way, anyone can make their own version of it (or the Jeff character) without complaints of copyright. Maybe someone can make a version that doesn’t suck!

    • Dust
      CUUUUT
      Comments: 79

      I was thinking either scrap or turn the “gotta pad out the word-count” opening that’s got nothing to do with the story into a postscript… but the thing’s so bad, taking out one letter would probably be an improved version

  • Nasuth
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 17

    Halloweenie really needs to guest-read one of these.

    • Phelous
      Phelous
      Administrator
      Comments: 597

      Halloweenie wouldn’t work particularly well with the format of these videos.

      • Marvelfan211
        Marvelfan211
        Bat Hero
        Comments: 97

        I understand. It’d be a lot of acting on your part, plus the jump cut censorship gags wouldn’t work for reading something that really exists.

        That being said, what about Wabuu?

      • Jon Protagonist
        Jon Protagonist
        Fighting Steffi Love
        Comments: 169

        “Everything is great, but the Old Man needs to stammer and stutter when something surprises him more, that’s what makes the Old Man not so completely useless.” He said.

      • Brother_Malachai
        Scene Interrupting Comment!
        Comments: 274

        What about that guy who told stories from “Psycho Santa?”  He’d be hillarious as a guest commentator/cameo?

         

        Old Man:  And then Jeff got out his bloodied knife!  It was all wet!  It was completely-!

        Guy In Car:  Long story short, Jeff killed them.

        Wordsworth:  This is my life.  Fuck meeeee…

  • Alex C.
    Alex C.
    JUST GOT ACTUALLY-ED!
    Comments: 153

    Jeff the Killer is more competently written than Sonic.EXE or Squidward’s Suicide, but… I hate to say it, but Jeff the Killer makes the other two look good. At least they built to something. At least their writers knew how to pace a story, knew how to build on tension and unease. Even if they were poorly written and scary only to people obsessed with Sonic/Spongebob, there was something resembling a story.

    Jeff the Killer… It’s not poorly written. (I’m assuming the writers of all three stories were high school kids taking their first Creative Writing class, so “not poorly written” is relative.) But… Damn, kid, you wrote a really boring story with zero tension or payoff. And the internet has made it into a famous creepypasta. Why, internet, why?

    Also, thanks to Phelan for Jeff the Killer as Neo from the Matrix.

    • Brother_Malachai
      Scene Interrupting Comment!
      Comments: 274

      Yeah, but a lot of the story makes no sense.  How Jeff had Gary Stu powers to beat up the bullies at the start (but lost them later), how the bullies jumped over a fence w/ skateboards (but w/o a ramp, unless they somehow built it in secret without ANYONE noticing), how being set on fire somehow “bleaches” you, how said bullies found a few pieces and somehow smuggled them out of the owner’s (parents?) homes and into the party, etc…  I’m sorry, this story is a fail at suspension of disbelief due to all the leaps and breaks in logic and sense.  If he was supernatural, sure.  But he’s a normal human.  I mean, even the original author is ashamed of this story and said it wasn’t well-written.  :-/

    • Knightroglycerin
      Knightroglycerin
      Robert Cop
      Comments: 189

      I think I’m gonna make that my next avatar picture. BD

  • Brother_Malachai
    Scene Interrupting Comment!
    Comments: 274

    Yes!  Old Man Reads Creepypasta’s is back!

  • Marvelfan211
    Marvelfan211
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 97

    I’m sure this takes a shit ton of time to edit, but I, and many others, really love these, so thanks for continuing this series. I’m also happy to see you get so creative with the visual aids. The stock photos, along with the your own crazy photoshops, really make this more of a video than a simple audio show. The Old Man character is so funny that him simply reading a story with no video would probably satisfy me, but you never phone it in, and I love you for it.

  • mpalenik
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 9

    I’m kind of hesitant to be too hard on this because I feel like it was probably written by a kid. . . probably an angsty 12 year old.

    • Knightroglycerin
      Knightroglycerin
      Robert Cop
      Comments: 189

      What’s supposed to happen is you pour your little tween soul out into your fanfiction or whatever, quit writing it because of reasons, find it years later, realize how terrible it is, and delete it. Trust me.

      • Brother_Malachai
        Scene Interrupting Comment!
        Comments: 274

        Yeah, the original author was interviewed online somewhere.  He actually did say he was very young when he wrote this and that he’s ashamed of it now due to the rather low quality of writing.

  • Troggyman
    Troggyman
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 86

    Jeff is one of those creepy pastas that got famous for a single eerie image, not so much the content. Having circulated the internet a thousand times, the image has also worn out it’s initial impact, and the nonsensical content does not help. Nevermind being somehow bleached by fire, this guy got no eyelids so his eyes should be more akin of raisins within a day.

     

    Initially I was strongly against the idea of ever covering Ben Drowned, partially because it is far from one of the worst, and the other being that covering it traditionally wouldn’t really work that well. But as an “Old Man Riffs” episode it could work, and get more out of the material.

  • OldMan
    OldMan
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 15

    This is your best video ever! I was riveted!!!

    HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 746

    3:09 I’d have used Giada De Laurentiis. lol.

    Can we expand into Old Man reads Crappy Fanfiction? ::waves a physical copy of My Immortal::

  • IronJustice
    IronJustice
    A Real Turtles Fighter
    Comments: 31

    Thank you so much for bringing back Old Man! I missed him! 😀

  • MontorkTheWhite
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 6

    Sheesh I never thought you’d cover this one because of how bloody long it is. I remember even when I read it to see what all the fuss was about I just ended up skimming through half of it. (Well, that and the writing was pretty painful. Ah, brings back memories of 7th grade English class when we had to swap each other’s papers and edit them.)

    Thank you, Old Man, for at least distracting me from how poorly written it is on the technical side and… just let me focus on how bad it is content-wise. Hrm. That really didn’t sound like the show of gratitude I intended it to be…

    • Brother_Malachai
      Scene Interrupting Comment!
      Comments: 274

      I’m sure Phelous, The Old Man, and The Talking Book (which alas, didn’t talk this episode), all understand.   :-0

  • Aotrs Commander
    Aotrs Commander
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 7

    I fracking love these, I really do.

     

    They are glorious!

  • CyborgPrince
    CyborgPrince
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 82

    I knew about the Jeff the Killer meme (though I always felt it was just a ripoff of the Joker). However, finally discovering its origin, I was left…disappointed. For a supposedly creepy meme that you see everywhere, the origin creepypasta is incredibly not creepy. I dare say it even gets boring in some parts. Heck, the other ones that Old Man read were creepier, though the images provided in the background may have helped with that.

    It sounds more like the plot of a bad television drama. Or one of those crappy horror movies that you’ve reviewed.

    Looking forward to more of these. I’m sure there’s plenty of creepypastas out there that are more lackluster than people make them out to be.

  • Loki Duck
    Loki Duck
    NewbieDotCom.Com
    Comments: 10

    Thanks so much for doing another one. It was a lot of fun and it’s good to know that I still enjoy the Old man so much.

    I have to admit I got pretty excited when I saw this video listed, mostly because I have know about Jeff the Killer for years but had never bothered to see what the hubbub was about.

    I’m really glad now that I didn’t because holy crap was that story long. It’s actually kind of hilarious considering how popular Jeff the Killer seemed online, especially considering there were even fangirls.

  • Brother_Malachai
    Scene Interrupting Comment!
    Comments: 274

    I found the creator of the original Jeff doing an interview.  This wasn’t the original story and he has a more the mild dislike for it.

     

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhPpcvD01Ok

    • Laserface
      Laserface
      Bat Hero
      Comments: 99

      I dunno man. I’ve heard some untrustworthy stuff about that guy, like he takes credit for the whole idea even though his story is completely different from the more well known ‘creepypasta’ story, which was based on the picture of Jeff he supposedly made himself. Also some more crazy stuff like he thinks he’s actually Jeff the Killer.

      I like to think since nobody knows who really made the story, Jeff the Killer is public domain, so different people can take the character or story and do whatever they want to it, make their own version or interpretation. It’d still be better than the original story, that’s for sure.

    • Brother_Malachai
      Scene Interrupting Comment!
      Comments: 274

      Well, the person who also wrote the above story also said he was ashamed of it now because of how badly written it is.