22 Comments

  • Dunes
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 190

    That’s some background.

  • BarryTheMasterOfSandwich
    BarryTheMasterOfSandwich
    Bat Hero
    Comments: 92

    At last. It’s the non-fall action I’ve always wanted, but was afraid to ask for.

  • Knightroglycerin
    Knightroglycerin
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 190

    I can’t see that armor as anything other than an apron.

  • Saintdane05
    Old Man
    Comments: 4

    Ninja frog is really nicely painted. I’m shocked.

  • Marvelfan211
    Marvelfan211
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 110

    Great trilogy! When can we expect a reboot?

    • Brother_Malachai
      Captain Sillypants
      Comments: 289

      Eww no!  Quit ruining my childhood Hollywood!

    • Prossor_Kobras
      Prossor_Kobras
      A Real Turtles Fighter
      Comments: 39

      It’s currently in development hell.

      The assigned directorial and writing teams are currently up in arms, with Michael Bay looking for more explosions, Josh Trank attempting to make the story more grounded and realistic, while David S. Goyer is trying to make it grimmer and grittier, while Zack Snyder is trying to prove that if giant mutant frogs with ninja weapons existed, that they would all be corrupt. Simon Kinberg and Stephen Norrington are attached as producers.

      What we do know of the current script is that it focuses heavily on Ninja Frog, who has to save his brothers after they’ve been abducted by aliens, and RETURNED TO THEIR HOME PLANET.

      You heard me right, they’ve changed their backstory and turned them into aliens. Ugh. Also, apparently part of the action is going to be on Earth, with subplots about the rise of corrupt businessman Lord Chook, who has been been turned into General Chuck, a rogue Black Ops agent with his own private army.

      This is SUPPOSEDLY the gist of a leaked script from a disgruntled studio assistant, but take all this with a grain of salt.

      We start in the Florida Everglades, where June Nielsen, Swedish immigrant and reporter for the local news (Guess it’s an homage to TMNT, since there was no such character on the show), is investigating reports of a man-eating crocodile. We get some exposition about crime-rates and stuff, how June believed she was the human reincarnation of a Chinese deity, and how there are reports that the croc they’re looking for is anthropomorphic, but June dismisses them, and they head deeper into the marshes.

      Now it’s nighttime, and this film’s version of Roughyde attacks. So June is cornered on the boat, Roughyde is about to attack, when the lights on the boat are smashed, and some action takes place in the dark. By the time June is able to whip out her phone, we find out that whoever (And I do mean whoever, since when she talks to the Frogs later, they have no idea what she’s talking about. Guess it’s a sequel hook.) smashed the lights also DECAPITATED ROUGHYDE.

      I’m sure that everyone who loved these characters growing up will love to see their heroes brutally murder one of their allies from the show. Anyway, that’s where June’s story ends for now, she drops out of the movie until way later.

      We cut to a warehouse, where General Chuck and his men have somehow managed to build a functioning anti-matter bomb, with plans to hold Miami for ransom and detonate the bomb if they don’t get their way. General Chuck gives a speech about how he’s gonna be stupid rich, yadda yadda yadda (Isn’t it wonderful when they change exiled alien warlords bent on the domination of the universe into idiot humans with idiot plans to get rich quick?). They load up the bomb into a truck to hide it in Miami. General Chuck takes off in a helicopter, and once the bomb is in the clear, blows up the warehouse, with all his men inside.

      Anyways, we cut to Miami, where, without any build up to them at all, we see the Frogs. They’re riding the Miami-Dade Metrorail (This takes the place of the sewers from both the show, and the original comic) and bickering amongst themselves. See, Ninja Frog is tired of the way Ninja Hero Rider runs things (what an original plot), and is demanding that he be placed in charge of the group. Meanwhile, Terror Toad, who has been turned into some kind of idiot savant, is talking to himself and building what he calls a “Cheeto Bomb”(We have product placement, people!). Ninja Hero Rider gets fed up with Ninja Frog, and, I shit you not, drop kicks him through a window! Then he makes a crack about Ninja Frog’s “Non-Fall Action” not working (In reference to a bizarre choice of words on a toy)!

      So Ninja Frog lands on the ground, he’s stunned (Thank god there were no people around to see this, on the ground or in the Metro), and he’s about to pass out, when he looks up to see that a portal has opened up in front of the Metro, which plows straight inside it. We hear Terror Toad and Ninja Hero Rider scream, and we fade to black as Ninja Frog passes out.

      The studio assistant says that the rest of the script isn’t properly planned out yet, but the gist of it is this:

      Ninja Frog is in a slum, and when he fell, he landed on a bunch of syringes filled with heroin. He absorbs the heroin through his porous skin, and now, not only is he addicted to heroin, but his mutant physiology makes him secrete it as tears, so he’s frequently bottling his tears and injecting himself with them.
      Ninja Hero Rider and Terror Toad have been transported to their home planet by two unidentified aliens (The script notes they’re supposed to be the film’s version of Chap Hop and Lowercase, but there’s absolutely nothing to it, they’re not the same characters in any way), who have brought them to their home world to stand trial for genocide. NHR and TT have no idea what’s going on, and it doesn’t matter anyways, since the two aliens promptly get eaten by zombie frogs.
      General Chuck has taken up residence in what he calls “Chuck Tower” (Taking the place of Chook Tower from the show), monologues about being rich, yadda yadda.
      Ninja Frog murders a few drug dealers, and forces a survivor to take him to the various gangleaders in a montage of Ninja Frog murdering gangsters and taking control of the drug trade in Miami. We get to see him give a speech to the united gangs underneath his control about how his brothers were always holding him back, before we cut to another montage of the gangs literally taking control of the city, turning it into some kind of crime-controlled city-state, before we get to see Ninja Frog murder Mayor Phelps, the goofy ditz of a mayor from the cartoon.
      General Chuck is contacted by the government, who, despite the fact that he’s a known terrorist, is apparently their only hope of re-taking the city. He wants a lot of money for it, and they agree. General Chuck agrees that he’s going to fight Ninja Frog’s forces, and monologues about how he didn’t even need the bomb, and how he’s going to be remembered as a hero now.
      The script says something about time passing faster on the Frogs’ homeworld than Earth, and I guess that’s the only explanation for Terror Toad having built a functioning aircraft the size of a small city. OF COURSE, SINCE HE’S AN IDIOT NOW, he’s built it in the shape of a giant Cheeto.
      Ninja Frog is holding a public rally to the citizens being held hostage in Miami, talking about how they’re going to be the first citizens of Ninja Frog’s new world order. A sniper sent by General Chuck is taking aim on a nearby rooftop, and tries to shoot Ninja Frog, but the bullet is taken by a woman allied with NF (A holdover from a previous script, in which Ninja Frog took a human bride). The woman dies, there’s a brief parkour sequence in which the sniper is caught by Ninja Frog, and he gets tortured (rather mercilessly) into revealing General Chuck’s location. Chuck hears it all, and activates a remote explosive, which almost kills Ninja Frog. Swearing revenge, Ninja Frog mobilizes his gangs to attack Chuck Tower.
      There’s a really long action sequence, where lots of nameless people die on either side, while Ninja Frog makes his way to Chuck. General chaos in the streets, buildings explode, Ninja Frog eviscerates, decapitates, and generally annihilates various people.
      At one point, the US Military decides to interrupt, and battleships with railguns start taking potshots at Miami, with jets dropping bombs on the city. Despite the fact that Miami is now in flames, Ninja Frog has managed to enter Chuck Tower. After some more mindless slaughter, we get a surprisingly poignant speech from Ninja Frog, about how he misses his brothers and resents the monster he’s become. Of course it’s all ruined when he shoots out his tongue and RIPS A GUY’S FACE OFF WITH IT, but I guess you can’t win them all.
      Ninja Frog makes it to the roof, where he has a fist fight with General Chuck. It’s short, but brutal, with Ninja Frog breaking Chuck’s bones and partially crushing his rib-cage. Laying on the edge of the rooftop, defeated, Ninja Frog is about to decapitate him when Chuck manages to trip Ninja Frog and kick him off the roof. Ninja Frog is screaming as he falls, but a portal opens up and he falls through. Chuck looks over the side to see if he managed to hang onto a ledge of the building, and is satisfied when he sees that he hasn’t. One of Chuck’s men comes to help him, and props him up against a wall. A US military chopper then flies up, and Chuck realizes that the Army is taking its chance to kill him; He’s never going to get his money, and he certainly won’t be remembered as a hero. He pulls out a big red button from his pocket and pushes it, before the helicopter gruesomely machine guns him to pieces. It’s too late though; the bomb has been activated, and a purple wave of energy shoots out from inside the building, eradicating the burning remains of Miami, the battleships on the coast, and keeps going, without any signs of stopping.
      Cut to the alien planet, where Ninja Frog wakes up in the desert sands, seeing his brothers in the distance. He gets up and calls out to them in pure joy, but they don’t respond. He runs to them, continuing to call out their names, and when he gets close, they turn around, causing him to pause in terror. His brothers are emaciated and wrinkled; they’ve been on this planet too long. They both collapse, dead, and Ninja Frog sinks to his knees and weeps.
      We cut to later, where we see Ninja Frog walking away from his two buried brothers, carrying their weapons and some of their armor. We see a brief montage of him walking for days across the desert, until he finds a ruined building and hears crying inside. It’s June, and she’s terrified and seemingly slightly insane; Ninja Frog tries to calm her down, but she won’t stop yelling about a giant crocodile man, confusing Ninja Frog. He decides to backhand her, to which she responds with backhanding him. He asks her what she’s doing here, and before she can speak, a giant booming voice can be heard saying, “I brought her here”. A giant hand rips off the roof of the building, and we see a giant robot blocking out the sun. Roll credits.

      Clearly the studio assistant who leaked this is a fan of the original cartoon, and while I think that this is is a piss-poor adaptation, if it wasn’t an adaptation and simply it’s own thing, unrelated to the Heroic Toad Fighters, then I’d say it could a decent (if bizarre) action flick.

      • Brother_Malachai
        Captain Sillypants
        Comments: 289

        Ugh, get rid of bay and put Nolan on it already!  Sure he did new things, but at least he showed respect for the original material and got the genre!

        • Prossor_Kobras
          Prossor_Kobras
          A Real Turtles Fighter
          Comments: 39

          Hey man, complain to Fox, not me! They’re the ones with the film rights!

          If only they’d give them back; we’d be that much closer to a proper cinematic universe!

  • Jon Protagonist
    Jon Protagonist
    Robert Cop
    Comments: 191

    A lad never forgets his first Non-Fall Action.

    – Longfellow

  • tbspaceship
    Old Man
    Comments: 2

    hey phelous! Any chance you’re getting the ninja turtles mega bloks set? I was curious since they have a set based on the 80’s cartoon, with the four turtles fighting krang! http://minifigpriceguide.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Mega-Bloks-Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtles-Collectors-Krangs-Rampage-DMW32-1024×999.jpg

  • Kooshmeister
    Kooshmeister
    I'm THE BEST!
    Comments: 102

    Woo, yeah, let’s all go to Chook! They have the best, um… whatever it is!

  • likalaruku
    likalaruku
    Completely Useless Now
    Comments: 794

    All we need now is a Ninja Froggle with flashing lights & techno music.

    I dunno about that mutation drawing. It’s got some Amphibian Centipede action going on there. That or one is at least trying to sniff the other’s farts.

    How hard is the Krang voice to do? Does it hurt your throat if you do it too long?

  • OrangeRider
    OrangeRider
    I think we should be enemies
    Comments: 331

    Is it just me or does the toy look like it’s wearing Kamina’s glasses from Gurren Lagann?